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 Review #4034071 |
 | Heat Rises  [ASR] A woman loses her husband  |
| (3.5)  Hello! ~LifeLessons~ here to review your story!!  This being the site's fourteenth anniversary I am participating in a few fun activities. Reviewing a few ports are just some of the fun during this celebration. So taking a peek around I found your story. What I thought of the title What really drew me in to read this story was the short description. I didn't relate the title to the sorrowful story told. I am thinking you might want to change this title to something a little more telling of the story. Maybe something that would affect the reader to an emotion to read further.  My First Impression I felt the sadness in this story right away. You tell it in first person which is not easy to follow through with during the whole story. You did a great job of this. As the narrator you had me believing some of the emotions that one would feel during such a traumatic event. Numbing to the core. Questioning one's self would be quite normal I think. When something like this happens so quickly without a notion. We doubt ourselves and what we could have done differently. You brought me from the minute it happened to the final good bye. It was emotional for sure.  Suggestions This is only a suggestion and you have no obligation to change a thing. I am only the reader. I liked the way you introduced the story until you explain the breaks went out. I myself would have started the story with him not coming home. The worry and then the news. A few more added details would help the reader to feel more. A little dialogue goes a long way as well. Even the narrator thinking to herself with emotion. I felt the story was told but not enough depth. A few conventions in detail would hold the reader's attention further.  Overall Thoughts You have the bones of a great structured story line here. I really was pulled into the way the narrator felt. I think if you took a little more time with it and added some detail you would provide a reader with a great fiction full of emotions. Thank you for letting me read and I hope to read more of your work along the way. Keep Writing ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
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You responded to this review 09/06/2014 @ 10:15pm EDT