Great Story! I love a good horror story. I do have some comments:


A knock sounded at her bedroom door. "Shannon, can I come in," her mother asked in her timid voice?

"Ugh...What do you want?"

"Just come down stairs," her father clipped out.

She heard his footfalls stomping away, and then she took a deep breath. "Fine," she snapped. "I'll be down in a minute."
I found this a bit confusing. Somehow you need to let the reader know the parents are together - not later. You mom knocking then Dad is the one to tell her to come downstairs.


"Oh God...that's Becky!" Shannon placed her hand over her mouth as she watched the horrific scene take place in front of her. She closed her eyes. "Can we help them at all? Is there any way to protect them?"

"No baby, it's not." This part did not make sense. think "there isn't" would sound better.

He hopes we will come out. We should have ended this by stab through his skull years ago. But I could not...we could not. Then the next year, but still, I couldn't. 2nd sentence - - We should have ended this by stabbing I believe this is how I would write it. The rest looks great! Keep on writing, I love thtese stories.