Love your story, especially the twist! You do have a lot of errors in this story and you need to clean it up. The errors are, misused grammar, run on sentences, etc. You are a very talented story teller and you need to figure out how to write a solid story. Keep on writing as you can become very, very good.

Also,let me welcome you to WDC! What an exciting time for you to be dropping in and wanting to be part of us. WDC is a wonderful place to be and you will find many avenues you can go down to find your on genre. We love having you and look for ward to seeing you grow with us.