Initial hook and title: Hey, I was looking for things to read from Newbies when I came across this piece. It's an interesting topic to me as I work with women who sell sex.


What I liked:

This is a really strong piece and I'm glad that I decided to stop in and read it. You relate to your personal experience of being an erotic service provider (I love that title!) as well as a woman and some of the struggles that come with that.

It seems you have your hands full at the minute but venting and allowing yourself freedom of speech is a brilliant idea and this is what you're doing here.

At first when I was reading, I found myself wondering why you've written it all in separate lines. Just in case you weren't sure, as you're typing in the box it will automatically put it onto the next line for you. However, I do think it works well because it breaks it down into smaller chunks and really relates the information to the reader.

Ps: good for you on starting up your own business. I hope it goes well for you!

General suggestions / A few parting comments...

One thing I might suggest is having things grouped with similar subjects. So when you're talking about the union, have all of that together. When you're talking about being a homemaker, have all of that together. Do you see what I mean? It might help the piece flow just a little better.

Line by line suggestions: ▼




Hope this helped!