I am here with a review of your poem, "Three winds" , which I found on the Newbie Works List  . Please keep in mind that the following comments are only my opinion as a fellow reader, writer and poet, and are offered in respect for your work with the intention of encouragement and constructive feedback.


These are very atmospheric verses and the images you conjure up are vivid, clear, pure and emotionally stirring.


There's a strong use of personification and some subtle assonance with the "w" sound, and even a touch of oxymoron with the lines "wind's bright shadow / illumines". These conventions are effective in creating tone and forming pictures with words.

The first poem or part describes geese in quite a flattering manner! I'm not sure if many would agree with the sentimental portrayal, but although it seems to fit more with the description of swans it's nice to read a different perspective of a creature many find crude and loud and not at all elegant. You have reminded me of the value of every animal on our earth, regardless of how we as humans feel towards them personally.


Wistful and misty, and words such as "gusting", "wild", "grey", "shadow" and "dusk" even make it ominous. I felt a little suspenseful.

At first I didn't understand the "thematic" link you mention in the brief description, but I soon noticed the repetition of wind (duh, considering the title ) and realised how it carries through. Clever! :-[ I like it how the wind blows through the poem. Each verse shows the wind through a different lens, from a different angle - nature, mythology, dark and inspirational.


I noticed how carefully you have chosen your words. The haiku form requires the writer to be somewhat economical, so in that way it is quite challenging. I think you have done well in forming beautiful images in so few words, making every word count, and even giving new meaning to some words.

I absolutely love the line: through a wind-grey dawn. Wow! Such a rich and haunting phrase, wind-grey. Powerfully evocative.


I had a handful of suggestions after the first read (I misread "haikai" as "haiku" and had a lot to say about that! ), but once I studied your poem further I soon understood it better.

I'm still debating over whether or not to recommend splitting each poem into a separate item. Each has a different picture to paint, a different meaning and part of me feels like each deserves its own private space to be read, studied and appreciated. (Also, this would help you get more reviews.) But on the other hand, that thematic link is half the beauty of it. So in the end I think it's best to leave everything as is.

I would like to find out more about "Dormarth". You can afford to explain more in your footnotes about this Welsh myth (even include an image?), especially if it helps the reader understand your poem more deeply. I really wanted to know more.

I'm not a great fan of "perspective-less". It isn't really a word, and the line break halted the flow of the poem rather abruptly. Could you try another word(s), such as "shapeless" or "without perspective", just so the poem is easier to read and flows smoothly?

Otherwise, I'm sorry that my suggestions have been so unhelpful. It just proves how well you have written this work if I have nothing more to say in this section.


Thank you for sharing your work with the community. I have enjoyed reading and reviewing this poem, and hope you find my feedback encouraging. Keep up the great work!

Fi



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .