Hello, I am PandaPaws and I am reviewing this piece as part of the Simply Positive Group!

How I found your piece...this is the first piece you asked me to review for your Auction Package.

First impressions...you seem to be having a great deal of trouble with the form. I will give you details later in the review...

Was the title interesting...this is an interesting title and will lead you to a wonderful piece, once you have the form down.

Was the content rating appropriate...yes

Did you use a specific form of poetry...you made an attempt at Villanelle poetry.

Did you follow the form...Here is a link to Villanelle Poetry and the information I have on the form.

The poem consists of Five tercets and a Quatrain.

The tercets and quatrain follow the rhyme scheme...

A1, b, A2
a, b, A1
a, b, A2
a, b, A1
a, b, A2
a, b, A1, A2.

Here is your piece:


At last my love I've come to die. A1
Remind me of memories of old. b
In your arms I choose to lie. A2

We've watched the sun set. c
Watched the sky. a
Oh death, not just yet. c

Hot sand over toes. d
tickling of sand. e
I chose you that day long ago. d

I love to remember, f
memories of old. b
I met you in December. f

Cold days and dreary nights. g
We lay warm, bodies entwined. h
In the dark, in the night. g

At last my love, I've come to die. A1
Remind me of memories of old. b
In your arms I choose to lie. A2
At last my love, I must die. A1


I think you have a great premise for a poem, you just need to investigate the form a bit more. If you would like I can send you a link for a villanelle I have written as well.

Keep up the great work, let me know if you have any questions. I also recommend joining the Poet's Place, there is a great deal of information on forms there as well.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .