\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4015535
Review #4015535
Viewing a review of:
 Invalid Item Open in new Window. []

by A Guest Visitor
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: XGC | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Review of Isla's fun in the Sun - Chapter two

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Isla arrives at the hotel and gets her room and she is still randy. After having a shower to clean herself from her activity in the previous chapter she decides to masturbate with her vibrator but realizes that particular implement is in her luggage which is still missing. She turns on the tv and starts to watch an adult video which she uses her fingers to please herself, She starts to yell and the bell boy thinking she is in danger rushes in. She then gets it on with the bell boy.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

a quick erotic episode where Isla continues her wanton ways. Most of this chapter is almost pornographic in nature.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Add a little more structure and a little less sex. Again a larger font helps readability.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep working and developing your craft.

dblameck
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4015535