Hello there. My name is Loreli and I will be doing your review today. As a disclaimer, I am not a professional editor or anything of the sort, just a writer of nearly thirty years. Things contained within this review are simply my opinion so feel free to disregard my comments you feel do not apply.

For you information though, I do not do a review unless I feel the piece has potential and I like what I read my first time around.

This is the sixth chapter I have reviewed for you. Nineteen more to go :)


My Initial Thoughts

After reading this and the next couple of chapters, I think you might be able to put a tag of erotica in the genres. If you are opposed, I understand, but I think it might open the book to more readers. There are people who like Supernatural and people who like Erotica. There is a surprising amount to like to combine the two.


What I liked

This was the start of a chapter I saw coming. That's not a bad thing, if you don't mind being a little predictable. Some people can't stand it. I don't mind having readers be right at times, but sometimes I like to surprise them.

I like the fact Miranda can throw money around. It's a common thread that it's nice to see other use, and that authors admit that it's human nature to pay attention to the money.

You mentioned that different werewolves have different colour eyes. It might be cliché, but I think it might be funny if that was the colour that they preferred to wear. Like Miranda wears red, Eddie, green and the like.

I did appreciate one comment you made that most people don't think about. She sold her holdings to herself.


My Suggestions

I would think that a Native American language would also be in the list. I kind of want her to tell me where she picked up all those languages, did she learn them from other Wolves? Now it wouldn't be that hard, but I think some of them would be hard to come by that early in the country. Maybe pick up some of them later in life. I figured that English would be a NEW language into the Outskirts. Maybe Miranda would be the one who brought it there.


I understand that the guy that she killed, not in wolf form, was just the source of her income, from someone that you tell me dislikes what her Wolf is doing, it seems cold that she would just up and kill him. I found find it considerably more interesting if she used a disguise to get older and just outlived him. There were no ties, no reason to just kill him. I mean if she was leaving in 10 years, poison has always been more of a woman's killer than violence. I get she's a werewolf, but I'm afraid that it's moving into "a guy writing a female character". Gone awry it turns into every single male character of Anne Rice being gay/bisexual and thin, effeminate men.


I used to run a LARP for vampires, werewolves, mages and others and the one thing that used to frustrate me is that they always claimed they were "doing it right" but their plans never lasted more than 2 weeks. If you are an immortal being...what's the rush? Why does everything you have to do has to be done RIGHT NOW? I would like Miranda to have found some more patience to outwait some of these obstacles.


How did she know the South was going to lose? Sometimes smaller numbers can overcome. Go 300 Spartans. If she wanted to make this observation, I would say it was after a little bit. She had seen people, but not that many wars.

This is made more confusing by her next statement when the northerners came in to take the stuff. She knew human nature well enough that the South would lose, but not realize that human nature/greed would take over at the first opportunity? It's a little off to a reader like me who notice those things.


I appreciate that Miranda used the word 'courtesan'. If that's what Diane is than I would think that Miranda would be offended that Eddie called her a hooker. Courtesan's were like the Japanese Geishas. They were not there for sex, they were there for company.

If she IS a hooker, and Eddie mentioned her as such, I don't understand why the ending of this chapter surprised him so. And, Miranda said she 'used her from time to time' so Eddie didn't question the bisexual implications there?

Just saying. It's up to you what you do with/about it.



Final Thoughts

This was a predictable chapter, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. I will let you know if it continues and I think there needs to be a...shake up somewhere.

Overall so far, I will tell you my usual thinking about a book if I am reviewing, and it's a question that I like my reviewers to tell me about mine. I would, at this point, keep reading to see where the story continues.




Keep up the good work and may your Muse stay on your shoulder.

Loreli






"I love deadlines. I like the wooshing sound they make as they fly by." -Douglas Adams

Synonym: The word you use when you can't spell the other one.

"Those of us who had a perfectly happy childhood should be able to sue for deprivation of literary royalties." ~Chris Patten

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .