Lookout The Moose
Just a note: Sometimes, I’ll make a correction that doesn’t really need to be corrected, but that is just not how I would have written it. It may just be a part of your writing style, and I misinterpreted it. So just consider each comment, and decide for yourself if it really needs to be changed. I do my best to review from the perspective of a reader AND a writer.

Things in red are what you wrote that need to be fixed. Things in green are how I would have it fixed.

THINGS TO BE FIXED OR THAT WERE NOT WELL-WRITTEN:

Grammatical mistakes:

“Everyday a young moose would stand on the hill...” -- "Everyday" should be two separate words: "Every day."

“He had his back to the Lookout.” -- Using "the" is not necessary.

“He was having so much fun.” -- Because this story is in past tense, to say that the moose had previously been having fun, it would be more correct to say "He had been having so much fun".

“...decided that may be he was close...” -- "may be" should be one word: "maybe".

“...as the man tried to back into his doorway while trying to get his broom back.” -- "try" is repetitive. Showing more and telling less would help get rid of that. Try "...as the man backed into his doorway while trying to get his broom back."

“Just then a loud bell rang and a siren that grew louder every second and he could hear men yelling.” -- First, a comma after "just then." Second, the second part of the sentence is a weird fragment. Try "Just then, a loud bell rang, and a siren grew louder every second. He could hear men yelling."

“The truck made lots of noise and soon Lookout could not hear anything when the siren started blaring and so he ran out into the street ahead of the trucks.” -- This is kind of a run on sentence. Try rewriting it like: "The truck made lots of noise, and soon the siren was blaring so loud that Lookout could not hear anything. He ran out into the street ahead of the trucks, his ears ringing."

“Lookout got there first before the fire trucks...” -- "first" and "before" serve the same purpose in this sentence, so there is no need to have both. Pick one and go with it.

Punctuation mistakes:

“"Lookout the moose is coming."” -- Comma after "lookout".

“Just as the children passed the crossing guard they saw the moose...” -- Comma after "guard".

“He trotted down the street once again proud because...” -- There is a comma missing. It could either go after "street", or after "again." Each one would have a different effect. The first: "He trotted down the street, once again proud because..." (this is the moose was proud once again." The second: "He trotted down the street once again, proud because..." (this is the moose trotted down the street once again.)

“He ran down the middle of the street every once in a while turning his head...” -- Comma after "street". If you omit the comma, it makes the sentence seem as if he runs down the street every once in a while!

“He tried to run faster but he was too slow” -- Comma after "faster".

“...yelled for everyone including Lookout, to get back...” -- Commas around "including Lookout" instead of "to get back"

Style/Plot mistakes:

“She would always encourage him the same way each morning. “Do not ever go into the village, because we live in the woods, and we are moose. The people in town don't like us."” -- Using "encourage" is not technically incorrect, because his mother could be encouraging him to stay away from the village, but it still seems like the wrong word to use. Encourage has a particularly happy connotation, which telling someone that someone else doesn't like you doesn't fulfill. Using the word "discourage" might sound a bit better.

“She had been home sick from kindergarten that day when the fire started.” -- This is kind of unnecessary. It sort of drags the paragraph down, and subtracts from the effect of the fire.

THINGS I LIKED OR THAT WERE WELL DONE:

“First one man came sliding down the pole, then another, yanking on boots and jackets.” -- Great sentence structure.

Lookout's Name -- Creative! Well incorporated

School Scene -- VERY funny.

Lookout Saving The Puppy -- ……………….

Firehouse Scene -- Funny! Made me laugh.

Tug Of War With Shop Owner -- Also funny!

OVERALL THOUGHTS:
This is really a cute story! There were a few grammatical mistakes necessary to have his name truly be "Lookout", but it still had a nice "fable" feel to it. Several punctuation and grammatical errors do subtract from the effect. A good children's story, which I feel would hold a child's attention! Good Job!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .