Hello Aubrey waters ,
 
I selected your story "Skye Walker"  to review through the Read a Newbie Forum of WdC.
 
It is my pleasure to welcome you to Writing.com where I believe you will find wonderful support for all of your work.
 
I enjoyed reading the opening chapter of your book and I am glad to give you some impressions I have of your piece as well as a short review.
 
My review is based solely on my opinion and feelings. While I may suggest some edits or revisions, I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions about a story in the hopes that they may be of some help and encourage further thought about what has been created. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest.
 
Overall Impression
 
Chapter One to Skye Walker is an introduction to the Skye’s immediate environment on Zaltar. We are introduced to the Walker family and relationships as well as given a picture of the skills and abilities of some of the characters.
 
Interest and Pace
 
There is quite a bit of information to process in the single paragraph. After reading the sentences a few times it was difficult to keep everything straight. This of course may be my limitations, but you may want to consider breaking the piece up into smaller paragraphs and introduce people in smaller unique situations. I am fascinated by the descriptions used of the royal family members and would like to retain the images you have created.
 
Because of the amount of words used in description it is not a quick read. A way to increase the pace is to introduce some dialogue and let the descriptors flow as the person speaks what is on their mind.
 
Structure and Clarity
 
Everything the reader is going to need to know about the royal family is in the beginning of your chapter. I think giving the reader a reason to care in the first couple of sentences is going to be important to carry your novel to the next level. Possibly, unintentionally, the most memorable character for me is Xaviar. Outside of the Royal Family, he seems to have more importance in Skye’s life than the rest of the Walker family.
 
Edits/Revisions
 
Your writing is excellent. I think that you have a keen imagination and a heart to deliver the details of a story. I applaud experimentation with structure and style and believe that you are on your way to finding a good voice for your talent. On the path to getting these sorted out I would recommend sticking to long established convention. Short paragraphs will make reading your prose easier and help you to develop sharper images.
 
Summary
 
The deaths of Skye’s parents must be avenged. This first chapter of Skye Walker’s life story is a preamble to what is to come. Through Skye’s eyes we are introduced to the siblings and a trusted friend. It is the beginning to what promises to be an exciting story.
 
Thank you for sharing your gifts and talents.
 
 
~Kenword~
 
 
 
   This review is given in honor of:

FORUM

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .