I selected your story to review through the Read a Newbie Forum of WdC.
It is my pleasure to welcome you to Writing.com where I believe you will find wonderful support for all of your work.
 
It was a real pleasure reading your story and I am glad to give you some impressions I have of your piece as well as a short review.
 
My review is based solely on my opinion and feelings. While I may suggest some structural alterations, I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions about a story in the hopes that they may be of some help and encourage further thought about what has been created. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest.
 
Overall Impression
 
Jennyfer is late to arise to the challenges awaiting her on of her first day of school. Along the way she will experience the “screeching” mother, the “…vile, sinister, wicked sister”, and the teacher of first period Mrs. Calazarki. Her story is a glimpse of the people and trials that form the character and ultimately the world view of the American teen aged girl.
 
Interest and Pace
 
I love Jennyfer's response to her world. It is interesting to explore the surroundings that seem to be a catalyst for her moods and attitudes. Her mom seems dimly glad to receive any kind of response, even ones that make no sense or are loaded with sarcasm, “Oh nothing, I just accidentally switched moods with a peeved ape who didn't get his banana.”... “Oh sweetie,” my mom said like I just cracked her up. Was that even funny?” ...I rolled my eyes and grabbed a granola bar. “thanks for the amazing breakfast, mom, I love ya!” This glimpse of Jennyfer's life moves quickly, like flipping through snap shots in a photo album, rather than a stroll through a gallery. I appreciate the rhythm and pulse of the words that take me from one embarrassing moment to the next. I can't help but build an admiration for this young girl's ability to cope: How embarrassing! I thought. Usually, they never talk to me. How many times do you get called “the girl” in your life? I sighed and thought I was going to have to get used to it.
 
Structure and Clarity
 
I enjoyed the first person narrative. The story feels intimate from the beginning and I sense that I am privileged to get to know the mind and heart and reality of the fragile and yet resilient Jennyfer. The tone of the story blends humor and truth beautifully and clearly, provoking me to empathize with Jennyfer and truly care about her life
 
Edits/Revisions
 
There were a few incidental word and punctuation corrections that will be needed if you decide to do a re-write, other than that I would not suggest any revisions to your story. I would recommend a re-write and with an expansion of what you have begun. The story is appealing and Jennyfer is a wonderful character to be with.
 
Recommended Edits ▼
 
Summary
 
Jennyfer's first day of school did not go well. From being late, to enduring harassment by family and peers, her day is the nightmare of most teenagers, at least in America. What day is complete without a healthy dose of humiliation, intimation and sarcasm? What is left at the end of such a day but tears. Lots and lots of tears. I wanted to hold her, comfort her and assure her with gentle lies that it would all be better soon. Isn’t that what grandfathers are for?
 
I truly enjoyed your story. I appreciate your insights and thank you for sharing your gifts and talents.
 

 
~Kenword~
 
 
 
   This review is given in honor of:

FORUM

AFaith's Unofficial Account BDay Event  (E) CLOSED - My UAB R/CE Starts November 1st! Come help me celebrate by showing thanks! #1955910 by A*Monaing*Faith

 

    Come cast a vote for this year’s Mr./Miss Thankfulness!
 

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .