I selected your story to review through the Random Read Forum of WdC.
 
It was a real pleasure reading your work and I am glad to give you some impressions I have of your piece as well as a short review.
 
My review is based solely on my opinion and feelings. While I may suggest some structural alterations, I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions about a story in the hopes that they may be of some help and encourage further thought about what has been created. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest.
 
Overall Impression
 
“'Ah, ah, ah,' She shakes a finger at me. 'My birthday has only just begun, there will be no "heading out" for you. I suppose you thought this whole "slave for a day" thing would wear off after breakfast?' Thankfully for the reader, it is just the beginning of a wonderful “ordinary” love story. The tone is modern and upbeat and the interaction between man and woman are real and familiar. For me it was a cozy moment by the fire with just the right elements to be enjoyed deliciously.
 
Interest and Pace
 
I like the idea of a he and she, desperately in love no doubt, but on the other side of “happily ever after.” The girl friend is having her special day, and the interest is in the “what is she going to demand” department of my mind. The gratification of this mystery comes quickly and we are rewarded with the “…and I loved her very much.”, from the man. I know the feeling to have such a queen and the delight in my heart when she is enjoying her day.
 
Structure and Clarity
 
I like that there is no gimmicky structure or complicated format to your story. Because it is just two characters at a time, it works for me to not have the “he said/she said,” working after every line of dialogue. The interactions and descriptions within the scenes are clear and entertaining.
 
Edits/Revisions
 
There were only two minor edits. The first was in the line: I hand it my girlfriend and who is wrapped up in a blanket in front of the t.v.. I believe the line should have been – I hand it to my girlfriend who is wrapped… - And the second was in the line: all wrapped up snug as bug sipping on her hot chocolate. I believe there should be an “a” between the words “as” and “bug”. Other than that I was not aware of any other need for revision or edits.
 
Summary
 
Some people appreciate birthdays a certain way and they has a strong desire to have their expecations met. How fortunate for those of us who, like our friends in the story “The Sunday Smile”, can see the pleasure of having great birthday expectations and seeing them met by the ones we love. It was a pleasure reading a story that captures the wonders of a simple Sunday that can only be experienced by those who are truly in love.
 
Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your story. It was a great read.
 
Cheers!
 
~Kenword~
 
 
 
   This review is given in honor of:

FORUM

AFaith's Unofficial Account BDay Event  (E) CLOSED - My UAB R/CE Starts November 1st! Come help me celebrate by showing thanks! #1955910 by A*Monaing*Faith

 

    Come cast a vote for this years Mr./Miss Thankfulness!
 

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .