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First Impression
          I think I'm going to have to try my hand at this. Although, I don't think I would be as successful as you have beeen with your piece. All dialogue... way more interesting than simply telling the reader everything. This is something I struggle with. It does save all the 'he said', 'she said'. You have managed to tell a comical and interesting short story just using dialogue.

Suggestions
         There was one line I noticed...

"But I if you could just give me a few minutes of your time..."

         Either the "I" is unneeded or you meant for him to stutter, in which case, I think you might need a comma or something.

         I didn't notice anything else that could be improved.

Final Thoughts
         I think this is a great writing exercise and a well written story as well. Your dialogue was believable and not at all cheesy. Great work. And Happy Anniversary!

Rating
         



Chelsea

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .