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Review #3825550
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Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
Rated: | (3.0)
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Hi f.k.young -

As a newer member of this site, I wanted to take a moment to welcome you to Writing.Com. Today is actually my 10th anniversary of being a member here, and I'm celebrating by hosting "SoCalScribe's 10th Anniversary Gala" Open in new Window. and giving away several prizes throughout the day. I've selected you as a recipient of one of 10 reviews I'm handing out today, which also comes with 10,000 Gift Points for you to spend as you please. *Smile*

I'm enclosing the following review for your consideration, but please keep in mind that these comments are my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of them as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

*Bullet* I liked the inclusion of Kafka and other philosophical elements in the story. The room itself was intriguing and well-described, but I think the encounter with Kafka at the very end made it a really unique and special story experience. Nice work!


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

*Bullet* While each of the four "sketches" stood on its own, I can't help but feel like it might work better as one continuous story rather than separate vignettes. They share the same protagonist and location, so it might be better to frame them as the continued experience of the character rather than individual encounters without much of a framework. Just some food for thought. *Smile*


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I enjoyed reading this item. Aside for the four different sketches it's comprised of, this story is still interesting, engaging, and the writing is full of rich detail. Good effort! *Thumbsup*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material, and again, welcome to Writing.Com! If you'd like to introduce yourself over at "SoCalScribe's 10th Anniversary Gala" Open in new Window., please feel free to click on the link or the image at the bottom of this review and stop by to say hello! *Bigsmile*

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" Open in new Window.
"The Dark Society" Open in new Window.
"Blogocentric Formulations" Open in new Window.

Logo for SoCalScribe's 10th Anniversary Gala activity.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 02/15/2013 @ 6:54pm EST
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/3825550