Review of The Flower Girl

Search where?

This Portfolio (jeff)

All of Writing.Com

Create New Item

Read & Review

Community

Browse By Type

Browse By Genre

Writing Resources

Wednesday, Nov. 13, 2024

9:38am EST

Members: 841

Guests: 2,089

Total Online: 2,930

SPONSORED ITEMS

Help Us Help YOU!

Help spread the word about Writing.Com and gain exposure for yourself!

Daily Flash Fiction Challenge

Enter your story of 300 words or less.

How to Write a Query Letter

A list of do's and don'ts of query letter writing along with examples.

When The Memories Call

For all grieving parents and anyone else who has lost a loved one.

READ A NEWBIE

Robo-Dad

Alicia gets gifts from her sisters, but one of them is a bit different from the others.

Leave us alone

This poetry is about pray for freedom, life.

The Hard Call

Despite her family’s wishes, Ambrosia decides to run away, leaving her family's control.

Barbarism

This poetry script is about the way of brutal, barbaric in life, society all over the world

BY ONLINE AUTHORS

The Alien in her Head

a human has a meteor fragment in her skull, of alien origin, containing quasicrystals

My "What if" for PrepMo 2024

Initial brainstorming and "What if" questions for PrepMo 2024

Psychic Vampires, Vampire Subculture

A Flair For Writing Newsletter about Psychic vampires and subculture vampires.

Choir of the Dead

In the end, you'll sing your sins

Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/3825378

Review #3825378

Viewing a review of:

The Flower Girl

[ASR]
April comes like an idiot, babbling and strewing flowers.
by Jeff

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3825378

Review of The Flower Girl

Review by Noyoki

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Access: Public | Hide Review (?)

Hello Jeff

,

My Thoughts:

This story had the potential of been a cliché, but I think you pulled it off masterfully. You took a well known cliché 'always a bridesmaid, never a bride' and breathed new life into it. The florist was very human, quite true to life and not standing loftily above her grievances, but not giving into bitterness either. I think you walked a good line between being a good sport, and being a royal bitch.

My Favorite Part:

In this story my favorite part was that April's happy ending is alluded to in the form of the photographer. She was rewarded for taking what was a hard case, one that many people would have rejected and refused to endure no matter how much money it paid, and because of that she may have found what she'd been looking for all along.

I also like how the names fit with the overall story. April, the beginning of spring when flowers bloom, even Greene, which reminds me of summer and new grass. It tied things together nicely.

My Suggestions:

I think you needed to add a little bit more tension to the story. Things went just a bit too easy for April, and I think that there should have been some more conflict before she reaches the end.

Aside from that, this was a great story. April was quirky and fun, and I love that she was able to get back a little bit of revenge. She didn't give in to her hurt and anger, and she was able to do her job even though it was hard.

Thank you,

~Noyoki

Write On!!