I found your story on the "I Write in.." contest. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

I use "Comment-In-A-Box"   by The StoryMistress as a guideline for reviewing.

Overall Impression: Short, sweet (I love revenge). Great Title.


Plot: Good surprise ending.


Style and Voice:Bratty kid voice well done.


Scene/Setting: Not really gotten into much except for the description of the model.


Characters: The only thing I wonder is a model's hands would be stuck in place, like his mouth being glued, so he couldn't reach up to find his mouth.


Dialog: No issues


Grammar and Mechanics: A couple of typos: Keith was bored and no idea what to do. Could be Keith was bored and had no idea what to do.
There dog was tied could be The dog was tied..
"He dorkus could be Hey dorkus


Good luck in the contest!


Thank you for sharing your story. Write On!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

dwarf2012




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .