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 Review #3804309 |
 | "Hey."  [E] Daily Flash Fiction Challenge: Write a story that includes the words: boulder, sun, trail  |
| (4.5)| Please note - any suggestions are my personal opinion. Feel free to use them or ignore them. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Title: ""Hey."" Author: A*Monaing*Faith Reviewed by: KerrieAnnS How I came by your work: I came by your short story through the "I Write in December-January-February" activity.First Impression: A very good piece, at first I thought she was calling a boyfriend. I was surprised when it turned out to be her father. I like this element of surprise rather than a predictable story. Story line / Theme: The frail and failing relationship between a father and daughter. Yet despite the lack of a relationship, she still cannot bring herself to confront him. Characters: We have young woman who only met her father when she was 17, we can she has made the effort to bridge the gap between them but has been met with excuses and disappointment. Then we have the father who has a life beyond his daughter now, and does not seem to want anything to do with her. He has Jane and it is implied that he has children with Jane, children that have received iPads, when all Meghan wants is a relationship with her father. Writing Style/ Narrative Voice: You write in a mixture of first and third person. You clearly distinguish the difference with the first person perspective italicised. Setting: There is not much of a physical setting as this story is a telephone conversation. We do create an idea of her fathers affluence with iPads and Houses on the market. Descriptions: You describe how Meghan feels very well throughout this piece by utilising her inner voice, responding to her father in the only way she can as she chokes on the words as they try to reach the surface. Emotional Reaction: I am saddened by this piece, not only does the main character feel a hole where a father should be, but his clear disregard is like a wist of the knife. Beginning and End: As I mentioned above, I thought at first she were calling her partner not her father. We start with that sense of ambiguity and travel through her dialogue with her father until we reach a frustrating end with the main character resisting the urge to run off into the sunset to escape her pain. What I liked most: The internal monologue. A very effective and clever device. Suggestions: I think you have either missed out the word 'i' or 'we' in the sentence: "I'm fine...wondering why haven't heard from you." Conclusion: A brilliant short story managing to convey so much in so few words. Thank you for writing!    WRITE ON ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
 My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 01/03/2013 @ 9:32am EST