%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #3773466 |
| I found this piece posted at "Newbie Help And Support Review Central"  Note To The Author:None of this review is personal. It is just my opinion, nothing more.  I know this type of scene. I once was lucky enough about eleven years ago to wake up one early morning and stand outside in the still dark and watch hundred, probably thousands of stars falling to the sky. It might have been the most amazing natural event I have ever seen. Unfortunately, I was alone and had no one to bend don on one knee with, but I did go instead and immediately write about it. I still have that piece on disk. My piece isn’t much good literately, but it serves as a reminder of that day. The main characters here will have an indelible memory, one more permanent than my writing; they can remember the day through the proposal. It is a romantic and well-written piece. At first, we aren’t sure what his secret might be about. Though eventually we do get that sinking suspicion. Stars make for a romantic scene and he did purposefully drag her from the shower out to see the stars fall. He could be just a really eager star gazer, or he could have an ulterior motive -- he had an ulterior motive. I thought this was an excellent line: Ellie laughed in delight, then remembered the secret her love held from her. That is how love endures when a couple can remind the other why that love they hold is meaningful. When that no longer happens, troubles begin. The opening scene is well done. Where you describe the night sky, so that the reader may envision it. I can seem them, him holding her close to keep her warm, looking up into that spectacular night sky. I also like that he sat there waiting for the most impressive star to come along,and when finding it, then he chose to offer it, and his hand to her. Any regular star wouldn't have been enough, it had to be a special one. You don’t belabor the proposal. I liked that. You could have drawn it out, made it prolonged and agonizing, but with the word limit, it kept it to the point. He got to his knees, she didn’t even need to her his words, and that was that. A happy ending. There is one example of passive voice in this story, in paragraph two, but I’m not sure how to fix it without overhauling more than I’d want to, so it’s best to just leave it. It isn’t a real distraction anyway. What it might lack in a surprise ending, it makes up for in romantic emotion. Those of a romantic turn will love it. Most people like romance so I guess most will.  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
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You responded to this review 11/10/2012 @ 8:32pm EST