Hi Lady of the Myst,
I carefully read your story, here is my review. Congratulations on your soon-to-be one year with WDC.
Please remember, I'm a writer just like you and these are only my impressions. My ultimate goal is to be helpful and supportive. Thanks for sharing your work.

OVERALL SENSE: Gangs getting powerful enough to take over lands that people hold dear can bring on a chaotic world. That is a terrible thought that I hope won’t happen!
I can just imagine what Jardan had to witness when his grandfather's land was taken over. He watched as they were murdered, his mother had the worse fate. Now he didn't want his sister to go through that. Joining up and now fighting a rival gang member, a surprise happens that gives him hope.

         TITLE: "Drastic Measures" is the title and fits the storyline.

         STYLE/VOICE: The style is action/adventure and the voice stays with Jardan as be fights to keep Martaya safe from the gang.

         SCENE/SETTING: The scene and setting takes place inside an abandoned gymnasium. Jardan is pushed inside to fight a gang member of a rival gang.

         CHARACTERS: The main character is Jardan, who joined the gang called Tranks. Apparently, as I see it, his sister joined up with the Zanthes. She hatches a plan that hopefully will save them both.

         PLOT: The plot is simple, if you are asked to fight, you fight to the death, leaving no witnesses, no evidence, and no victory for the other rival gang. This is the position Jardan finds himself in, fighting in a darkened abandoned gymnasium.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING: I didn't find any errors.

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT: NONE

         LIKES: I liked how you created this short story with the rival gangs. You made it interesting with a surprise ending.

         DISLIKES: I fould nothing to dislike.

FAVORITE LINE(S): Yes, I do have my favorites. The lines that I found added to the story are highlighted below. I commented on why I liked them.

          QUOTE HERE: Martaya wanted to leave, to find a better place. Despite her vehement objections, Jardan insisted she stay hidden, while he pledged to the Tranks. Better a life of crime with a gang, than the alternative for Martaya. Jardan would keep his sister from that fate or die trying.

          My Comment: Jardan loves his sister and doesn't want the same fate to happen to her as what happened to his mother. He's only thirteen and his sister is fifteen which is way too young to be fighting for his life. This is why Martaya wants to go where they can have a better life, so she hatches a plan.

          QUOTE HERE: Murder or be murdered and worse for Martaya. He shook his head attempting to dispel the images and sounds of his mother's death. The grim reminder forced the offending label into perspective.

          My Comment: What a horrible thing to happen to his family. Then to have to watch it too. These two young people have to go on, but Jardan doesn't want her to have a life with the gangs, so he tells her to hide. Now it's only time until they'll find her. So something has to be done and fast.

JUST MY PERSONAL OPINION: I found this an interesting view on what could happen when gangs get too powerful. Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece.




Take care now, keep on writing, I’ll keep on reading,
Jeannie