It is my pleasure to review
"Invalid Item" 
This is a Showering Acts of Joy Member-to-Member Review

PLOT / STORY-LINE / THEME
This must have been a difficult story to write, Bob. Bringing up memories of your early days with Margery as she listens through the confusion of Alzheimer's could not have been easy. It's actually a one-sided monologue, for she can't really communicate or respond. When that one brief flash of recognition and understanding does reveal itself, what joy that moment must have brought you.

TITLE / DESCRIPTION OF ITEM
The title ties in very well with the story. You might consider using the description area to recap the story itself rather than the fact that it was written for a contest. Let the reader discover the item for what it really is: a love story or how I met my wife or whatever you may choose to use as a recap.

STRUCTURE / POV / CLARIFICATION
At first, I thought the monologue to Margery should be surrounded by quotation marks. But, after further consideration, I think you made a good choice to omit them since most of the item is words spoken by the narrator (you). I do have a suggestion that might help any confusion in this area. After the first paragraph and before the last paragraph, insert a scene-change indicator (***) to distinguish the action from the monologue. It's just a suggestion, Bob. You know best.

You wrote:
The Dallas Cowboys (I’ve always been a fan.) were playing the Green Bay Packers.
Margery must know you are a Dallas Cowboy fan, so why emphasize it here? You're not talking to us. You are talking to the one who knows you better than anyone. Maybe you could say something like this:
The Dallas Cowboys were playing the Green Bay Packers. You remember, I was a fan of the Dallas Cowboys, but I just kept my mouth closed as the game played out on the TV.

You wrote:
That night I presented her with the emerald cut diamond ring and asked her to marry me.
You are speaking directly to Margery, so shouldn't you say you rather than her?
That night I presented you with the emerald cut diamond ring and asked you to marry me.


GRAMMAR / PUNCTUATION / SPELLING
It is difficult to point out trivial grammar and punctuation issues when dealing with a deeply emotional item such as this one, and I won't annoy you with every nit-picky comma infraction, but, with sincere respect, I'd like to point out some grammar and punctuation issues, if I may, for your consideration.

Your title embedded in the body of the item seems to be missing a closing quotation mark.
"Do You Mind If I Get Us Some Steaks?

You wrote:
I wonder what you girls talked about on lazy Sunday afternoons.
Your monologue is in past-tense, so I'm wondering if you should use the past-tense here, too, and change wonder to wondered.

You wrote:
“Marjorie” was the first guess. “Marjory” was the second.
and
I spell my name ‘Margery’.
Since these are in close proximity to actual quoted dialogue, perhaps the reference to Margery's name should be italicized rather than in quotation marks.
Marjorie was the first guess. Marjory was the second.
and
I spell my name Margery.

You wrote:
As I stepped out the door I heard Ray say to me, “Don’t do it Buckner.”
There's a direct address here, so a comma is needed before Buckner. Also, a comma is needed after the Introductory Adverbial Clause.
As I stepped out the door, I heard Ray say to me, “Don’t do it, Buckner.”

You wrote:
You also boiled potatoes in a small sauce pan pm the hot coals.
Looks like your fingers slipped on the keyboard here. Did you mean to say "...in a small sauce pan on the hot coals"?

You wrote:
Just as the quarter hit his hand he said “Thank YOU”!
You need some commas here. And that exclamation point needs to be inside the quoted dialogue.
Just as the quarter hit his hand, he said, “Thank YOU!"

You wrote:
Then there was “Anthony Town” in North Carolina where I lived.
I wouldn't put the town in quotation marks. If you want to emphasize it, use italics. But, technically, it needs no special punctuation at all.
Then there was Anthony Town in North Carolina where I lived.

You wrote:
I know that when Margery “step over to the other side” she will be in a joyful place.
There's a typo here. I'm sure you meant "steps over... Also, you need a comma after the introductory clause.
I know that when Margery “steps over to the other side,” she will be in a joyful place.


OVERALL COMMENTS
Your ability to draw the reader into the moment and share with us a glimpse of your obvious love for Margery demonstrates your writing talent. The goal of the writer is to stir the emotions of his reader, and you have done just that, Bob. Thank you for this opportunity to review your work. My suggestions and opinions are offered only in the spirit of helpfulness with no intentions of offense or disrespect of your hard work here.

  Winnie Kay  



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed"