Hi Thomas,
I carefully read your story, here is my review.
Please remember, I'm a writer, just like you, and these are only my impressions. My ultimate goal is to be helpful and supportive. Thanks for sharing your work.



OVERALL SENSE: You have quite an imagination that I found appealing. I loved the twist and turns this story takes just to reach its climax. It has a great beginning hook that makes the reader want to read further. The body of the story is filled with choices for the main character to make. I love the mystery on which one he chooses. The ending I would have never guessed if I was asked to. Good job.

         TITLE: The title, "The Tunnel" is an appealing title that makes the reader go hmmm, I wonder what this could be about.

         STYLE/VOICE: The style and voice of this story stays strong on your main character. You chose to put this story philosophy section. I think it also has a supernatural feel about it.

         SCENE/SETTING: The scene and setting takes place in a car which is speeding toward a tunnel.

         CHARACTERS: The main character is the driver of the vehicle and he has four passengers. One woman, a child and two men are the other characters.

         PLOT: The plot is a man who has to make a choice as he’s driving towards a dark tunnel. He has to pick between his passengers who has to leave the car instead of going through the dark tunnel that he has a great fear of.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING: I found no errors.

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT: NONE

         LIKES: I like the imagery about this story. If you have a fear of dark places as your main character does, he has to make some choices quickly or else. I liked the mystery on who he chooses.

         DISLIKES: I found nothing to dislike.

FAVORITE LINE(S): I liked how this story is plotted out. You did a terrific job and I found some lines that I thought really added to your story. I'll comment below your quote on why I thought so.

          QUOTE HERE I move my foot to the brake pedal, but it has disappeared. I move to press my foot back on the gas, but it too has disappeared. I anxiously shift my foot around under me trying to find either pedal, but neither is there. I then see the red “Cruise” light now illuminating the area of my dash directly behind my wheel.

          My Comment: With both the brake pedal and the gas pedal disappearing and then a cruise light shining me in the face would freak anybody out. You are totally at somebody's mercy as you're trying to get your bearings.

          QUOTE HERE This man has said. I am responsible for where we are and who they are? But I would not choose to go into a tunnel. For some unknown reason, I have a great fear of the tunnel. In fact, the looming tunnel seemed to frighten me more and more the closer I got to it.

          My Comment: I find this strange that this main character would choose to throw people from the car instead of going through a tunnel. I can understand his fear, but he's with four other people plus a little boy. He's not alone. But it does make for good reading on who he want to exit the car.

JUST MY PERSONAL OPINION: I love the imagination that went into this story. Very well written with good characters, good descriptions and a great plot. Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece.





Take care now, keep on writing, I’ll keep on reading,
Jeannie