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 Review #3731393 |
 Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  ! Title: The manicure miracle Author: bebout Type: Short story  First Impression:It sounds like a very quirky family. But that is what makes families interesting, all those oddities and peccadilloes. Who wants a boring family that has only a restaurant. They'd have boring names like "Key lime pie" and "French fries." Nah give me a weird family any day. I'd even have the poor actress sister do stage reenactments of famous restaurant scenes in the movies, lol I like the beginning. You've painted an interesting, quirky bunch that despite the narrator's embarrassment sounds like one heck of a family. They seem fun, lighthearted and good to their kids. Besides, normal is so over rated! lol Now did the speaker get chosen for Julliard, or is she just contributing to the madness by telling her parents a lie? You kind of left us hanging there, not sure what she is actually planning. To me, this isn't so much a story, as it is the beginning of one. There is no real resolution, and not a lot of detail and description. That is why it seems ideal as a beginning to a longer work.  Suggestions:The reason that we are as well off as we are, is because of two reasons. See the "reason/reasons" there? I would probably rewrite that sentence slightly to get rid of one of them, and perhaps combine it with the next sentence with a colon. Something like this: There are two reasons why we are as well off as we are: One, every Caleerye girl has always had her husband picked for her, and married to her, by the time she is twenty. We run a nail salon/restaraunt. "restaurant." We serve " frenchtip french fries" and " acrylic apple pie" Since it’s a name of a food item, I’d capitalize it: “Frenchtip french fries.” I 've been acceptd to Julliard. “accepted.”  Final Thoughts:It’s actually a fun beginning. While I might want a paragraph break somewhere in there to help keep my place when reading the story and suggest that you give your work a spellcheck before posting, it sounds like this could be a mildly quirky tale which has any number of directions that you could take it. It does look like this is going to be about the speaker’s going to Julliard and not about the family, which I would miss because I found them to be a delight. It is too short, but I’m sure you know that. Add a bit of description and more of a story line and I think you’ll be pleased with the reaction you get from your readers.  
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