Hello TaraD65 !

I found your poem on "Noticing Newbies - Read and Review a Newbie" , and I enjoyed reading it. I hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
It sounds like the you are torn because you continue to accept lies from someone you obviously care for. I do get a good sense of how crazy this is driving you, but I got stuck in a few places because the lines didn't flow quite right. I'll explain below.

Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter (as applicable):
I feel like the attempt to include rhyme created a distraction that took away from the overall message. I did enjoy the parts that did rhyme, but the parts that didn't rhyme through me off.

Favorite Part:

It is a powerful ending, and I would have liked to hear more about why you expected the truth. Have you always honest with him? Is that the reason you feel like you deserve complete honesty? How damaging were the lies? These are just a few questions that immediately come to mind.

Artistic Voice and Imagery:
There were a couple of lines in there that didn't make sense to me. I could be wrong, but I think you were looking for rhyming words (and succeeded) at an expense.



It sounds great, but I didn't understand how the second line (here) ties into the rest of the poem and the overall theme. I was under the impression that you'd been waiting in the same place, which is what I see in the line right after it. Just a random thought I had while reading this...

Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics:
I think the word "again" is overused here in these two consecutive lines.

Here's a great place to find rhyming words online (if that was your intention): http://www.rhymezone.com/

Lastly, I think you can replace the period after line 3 with a comma. The same might apply to line 8, but I'm no expert. This is just my opinion.

Conclusion:
I'm not sure if this is a true story or not, but I really liked this theme. I do hope you find this feedback useful, and I look forward to reading more of your work. Welcome to WDC, by the way.

Thank you for sharing.

Cheers!
~V

Disclaimer:
Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your poem. My feedback and suggestions are merely my opinion. Whatever another person says, whether positive or negative, is just their opinion.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .