I feel this is a short story in five paragraphs. It might be better presented that way. Understand I am ONLY one opinion, but I do want to be honest with you and tell you what I am really thinking.
I'll admit I am somewhat of a purist and looking for some sort of "form" in poetry. And I will admit I do not understand free verse as I should. So, I go to Walt Whitman (an early free verser) and try to understand your style. From what I can learn, "free" verse does not mean total randomness: " throw- it- against- the- wall- and let us see what happens", or does it? Is that what "modern" free verse is? Sort of like giving the monkey a bucket of paint and brush and let him go at it?
Your premise is interesting. Alcohol and madness and suicide are related and form a part of the whole. Do you read Walt Whitman? I would like to see your story repainted in his style. Might be very interesting.