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Hi Louise Wiggins is Elizabeth My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Invalid Item" on behalf of "Two-in-One Poetry Contest" . First Impression/Thoughts: Very sweet A nice free verse poem about the innocence of children and the warm memories of a special time and a special place. Creativity/Impact: I quite enjoyed the "rural" feel of this ... The references to wild flowers and the country setting added a feeling of reality to this tender tale. I thought the way you ended it was very effective and touching. Good job Content: You write of your memories of a first kiss although it's obvious it was more mimicry than passion . The innocence was underscored by the game of tag post-bussing . From this, you move forward in time to reveal this as a memory and place it in context of a pending marriage. I really saw this as a "good-bye" to innocence more than a farewell to Michael. I found the overall poem very touching and deceptively deep with layers of meaning (most placed by myself LOL). That's the hallmark of a good poem - to entertain and to provoke. You did both well with "First Love." Technical Notes: On first read, Victorian lovers who had sneaked away ... just struck me as odd sounding. I actually looked it up and was pleased to find that sometimes, two forms of a word may be correct. For example, both sneaked and snuck may be used as the past and perfect tenses for sneak.. I guess the usage is regional but thought I'd give you this in case anyone else questions it . This was well written with no noticeable error. A quality write reflecting attention to your craft. My only suggestion would be in verse two, following "sneaked away from their chaperons," to use a semicolon since you're essentially starting a second thought and sentence. Overall Rating/Final Thoughts: and a Excellent poem with nice imagery and depth. A real pleasure to read. Good luck in the contest - you should do well. (Yes, I'm returning your GPs . No other reward than the pleasure of reading your poem is required.) Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more. Keep writing! Ken
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