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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/3594543
Review #3594543
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by A Guest Visitor
Review of First Kiss  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Louise Wiggins is Elizabeth Author Icon

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window. on behalf of "Two-in-One Poetry ContestOpen in new Window..

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Very sweet *Smile* A nice free verse poem about the innocence of children and the warm memories of a special time and a special place.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
I quite enjoyed the "rural" feel of this ... The references to wild flowers and the country setting added a feeling of reality to this tender tale. I thought the way you ended it was very effective and touching. Good job *Thumbsup*

*NoteG* Content:
You write of your memories of a first kiss although it's obvious it was more mimicry than passion *Laugh*. The innocence was underscored by the game of tag post-bussing *Smile*. From this, you move forward in time to reveal this as a memory and place it in context of a pending marriage. I really saw this as a "good-bye" to innocence more than a farewell to Michael. I found the overall poem very touching and deceptively deep with layers of meaning (most placed by myself LOL). That's the hallmark of a good poem - to entertain and to provoke. You did both well with "First Love."

*NoteR* Technical Notes:

On first read, Victorian lovers who had sneaked away ... just struck me as odd sounding. I actually looked it up and was pleased to find that sometimes, two forms of a word may be correct. For example, both sneaked and snuck may be used as the past and perfect tenses for sneak.. I guess the usage is regional but thought I'd give you this in case anyone else questions it *Laugh*.

This was well written with no noticeable error. A quality write reflecting attention to your craft. My only suggestion would be in verse two, following "sneaked away from their chaperons," to use a semicolon since you're essentially starting a second thought and sentence.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* and a *Halfstar* Excellent poem with nice imagery and depth. A real pleasure to read. Good luck in the contest - you should do well. (Yes, I'm returning your GPs *Smile*. No other reward than the pleasure of reading your poem is required.)

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing!

Ken
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..

   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/27/2011 @ 8:06pm EDT
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