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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/3587591
Review #3587591
Viewing a review of:
 Two-in-One Poetry Contest Open in new Window. [13+]
Closed for judging.
by Leila Author Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Review team. I offer my opinion based on my limited experience. It is only one in a world of opinions and yours to use or ignore.

*RainbowL* Overall Impression:*RainbowR*

The feelings in this poem are clearly presented, title fits content, and some of the metaphors are excellent.

*Vine1* What I like:*Vine2*

I like this stanza best:
"He was the song in my heart, the leap in my limbs,
the twinkle in my eye, the light that never dims."
The rhythm is strong and consistent, and "the leap in my limbs" seems totally original. The end rhyme is strong, and there is both assonance and consonance throughout. It sounds good.

*Vignette2* Problems and suggestions:*Vignette2*

The two weaknesses of this poem are uneven rhythm, and some phrases are overused including "twinkle in my eye, song in my heart.

*BalloonR* Comments:*BalloonR*

This is a very good effort, I am glad I read it, and I hope you will continue to revise and turn it into an excellent poem.

*Earth* Thank you for sharing.

*Quill* Keep writing!

Elizabeth
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/15/2011 @ 6:55pm EDT
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