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Given: Sep 15, 2011 at 1:07am
Length: 1,403 Characters |
1,067 w/o WritingML
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I am reviewing as part of the Simply Positive Review team. I offer my opinion based on my limited experience. It is only one in a world of opinions and yours to use or ignore.
Overall Impression:
The feelings in this poem are clearly presented, title fits content, and some of the metaphors are excellent.
What I like:
I like this stanza best:
"He was the song in my heart, the leap in my limbs,
the twinkle in my eye, the light that never dims."
The rhythm is strong and consistent, and "the leap in my limbs" seems totally original. The end rhyme is strong, and there is both assonance and consonance throughout. It sounds good.
Problems and suggestions:
The two weaknesses of this poem are uneven rhythm, and some phrases are overused including "twinkle in my eye, song in my heart.
Comments:
This is a very good effort, I am glad I read it, and I hope you will continue to revise and turn it into an excellent poem.
Thank you for sharing.
Keep writing!
Elizabeth
You responded to this review 09/15/2011 @ 6:55pm EDT
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