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Review #3576535
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Rated: | (4.0)
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*Earth* A PDG NEWBIE REVIEW *Earth*

Hello MumstheWord ! I'm Breaker~A Vigilante Ranger~ . I will be doing a review for the above poetry item in your port. This is a review for the"Invalid Item" . Please remember, a review is only how I, as an individual, see your piece. Accept what you agree with, ignore that which you disagree with.

*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


*Ornament2S* *Ornament2S* *Ornament2S* *Ornament2S* *Ornament2S**Ornament2S*


*NoteR* OVERVIEW:
I think I agree with what you have written, but I'm still young and just don't have the necessary experience.

*NoteR* FLOW:
The flow of this piece is good and the rhyme is sound interesting.

*NoteR* FAVORITE LINE(S):
Below you'll see my favorite parts:

For retirement is exciting, retirement here you come,
You’ve worked so hard for many years and now it’s seems you’ve won!


*NoteR* GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION/SPELLING:
As I proofread this piece and I saw some words that you might need to fix. I will highlight them below:
In line 4 of the second stanza you used those words, 'young lad'. I think you should avoid redundant expressions when possible because it adds no new meaning to the phrase and I'm sure that by eliminating that expression your writing could be more clear and concise to the reader. Another one is in line 32 of the sixteenth stanza. I think you have mistyped the dash on your keyboard. The point here is the dash. The word 'fa-mily'. should be family. It might confuse the reader so you need to make it clear. The third error that I saw is again a redundant expression and I suggest you to erase the word 'got' and leave the word 'have' if you want to make your writing clear and precise.*Smile*

*NoteR* SUGGESTED IMPROVEMENT:
I think that you would have caught a lot of the errors had you proofread the poem a bit more carefully before posting it.

*NoteR* OVERALL IMPRESSION:
The expression is very interesting and I agree with all your points in this piece. WTG!

*Ornament2S* *Ornament2S* *Ornament2S*


*ButterflyB* Thank you very much for sharing your inspiring work! *ButterflyB*

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If you are interested in finding out how the Paper Doll Gang can help newbies to WDC, check out our home page here: "Invalid Item" 




   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/03/2011 @ 5:02pm EDT
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/3576535