WELCOME TO WDC!! 

It is my pleasure to review

Swimming to the End!  (E) About bringing a stunning swimming career to an end #1798319 by Fran 🌈🧜‍♀️

in affiliation with "Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers" 

This review was requested through the "Newbie Help And Support Review Central" 

I was moved by this biographical tale, Fran. Clearly, I can see the difficulty in deciding to bring a championship career to an end. Every movement through the water was vividly painted as you strained to do your best, but success was out of reach. It was time to say goodbye.

The formation of this piece is set in verse-like stanzas which attract the reader to a poetic style construction. Each stanza represents a particular stage of the race as well as a consistent flow of an inner battle within yourself to analyze and justify your future as a champion swimmer. It’s more prose than poetry, but does contain a symbolic element evoking emotion which is one of the definitions of poetry. I would call this “poetic prose” but WDC doesn’t have that category listed in their item choices.

I’d like to point out some punctuation issues, if I may, for your consideration.
You wrote:
You know you have everything to give;
As you kick off and let the water wash over you.
A semicolon doesn’t go here because it is not separating independent clauses.

You push as if there is no tomorrow, perhaps there wont;
as you know this may be the final round.
Same thing here. The semicolon doesn’t work after “won’t”. Also you have two separate sentences here, so you could actually place a period or a semicolon after “tomorrow”. An apostrophe is needed for “won’t” and I would add the word “be” after “won’t” but that’s just my opinion.
You push as if there is no tomorrow; perhaps there won’t be
as you know this may be the final round.

Your body falters slightly, can you compete?
This is another comma-splice. There are 2 separate sentences here.
Your body falters slightly. Can you compete?

But your brain kicks in, hear the GB lion roar.
Hmmm…Comma-splice here. Is the last part a question or a command?
But your brain kicks in. Hear the GB lion roar?

Everybody is watching, swim for your country.
You reach the finish, you know for sure;
The glory will not be yours to take.
There are comma-splices here, too. Also “swim for your country” is kind of like an inner command to yourself, so I would italicize it for the reader and use an exclamation point.
Everybody is watching. Swim for your country!
You reach the finish. You know for sure
the glory will not be yours to take.

The scoreboard shines, your heart beats.
You’ve come forth, the World Champion has come forth.
More comma-splices. There are actually 4 sentences here, and I would use exclamation points for emphasis.
The scoreboard shines. Your heart beats.
You’ve come forth! The World Champion has come forth!

Swimming to the side, you hope beyond hope;
You will not be remembered as the one who lost the race;
Rather the one who fought the fight.
No punctuation should go after “hope”. I wouldn’t capitalize words that don’t start sentences, even if they start a new line.
Swimming to the side, you hope beyond hope
you will not be remembered as the one who lost the race;
rather the one who fought the fight.

Standing on the side, looking across the disturbed water;
You offer a small bow and give a little wave.
There should be a comma after “water” rather than a semicolon.
Standing on the side, looking across the disturbed water,
you offer a small bow and give a little wave.

I hope you found some of my information helpful, Fran.
You have a skill for stirring the emotions of your readers as you relate your feelings through your words. Except for some punctuation problems, I thought this was well written. Your “disability” certainly doesn’t affect your writing talent!

Thank you for this opportunity to review your work.
My suggestions and opinions are offered only in the spirit of helpfulness with no intentions of offense or disrespect of your hard work here.




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed"