(worstfailure)
"Officer Lopez, reporting for duty, Commish," Izzy said with a sarcastic salute.
Izzy had entered the Commissioner's office without knocking. Cynthia Rice was seated at her desk, scowling disapprovingly at her officer's lack of respect.
"You're twenty-seven minutes late, Officer Lopez. Must've been very bad... traffic. And where's Officer Padding?"
Izzy tried and failed to contain a giggle. She knew it was unprofessional but she couldn't resist. Popping her ass to one side, she saluted again.
"Office Padding, reporting for booty!"
Stan's groans were inaudible to his partner or his superior, whether it was from the pain of being crushed between Izzy's cheeks, the lameness of her joke, or both, it wasn't clear. What was clear was that the Commissioner didn't find it amusing in the slightest.
"Lock the door and sit down!"
The severity in the Commissioner's voice was enough for Izzy to take things seriously for once. She jumped to attention, locking the door behind her and plopping down in the chair across the desk from the Commissioner. Stan would've been pleased to finally see his partner obeying orders, if it weren't for the fact that in her rush to obey, she'd forgotten to remove her partner from her "trunk." Stan let out another groan as he found himself back under the familiar, crushing pressure of his partner's backside. The office chair at least shared his misery as it groaned under Izzy's girth as well.
"You know why you're here, Officer Lopez?" the Commissioner asked sternly.
Izzy blinked in confusion. "Uh... um... because you called me?"
"Your family, Officer Lopez," Commissioner Rice snapped. "That's why you're here. In this precinct, in that uniform, under my command, instead of working as a meter maid where you belong! But no, because your mother and your grandmother and your great-grandmother had sterling reputations, I'm forced to put up with the apple that fell so far from the tree, it landed in a damn orange grove! And now, because of your family's connections, I'm forced to assign you one of our most sensitive cases."
"A case?" Izzy asked, sounding just as depressed as the Commissioner that there was actual police work to be done.
"Yes, Officer Lopez, a case. It's an undercover operation for you and Officer Pad--" Commissioner Rice paused and facepalmed. "Officer Padding's still in your ass, isn't he?"
Izzy chuckled, embarrassed. "Now how'd he get there? I'm always telling him to be careful. Just... one... sec," Izzy said as she strained behind her back and spent several seconds trying to peel her partner out of her crack. *PPFRAT* "That was the chair!" Izzy said, blushing. Stan, who had witnessed the crime against his nostrils, could testify that it wasn't.
Finally, Izzy let out a triumphant "Ah-ha!" as she managed to pry her smushed-up, sweat-drenched, ripe-smelling partner from her trunk and deposited him on the desk in front of their boss. Stan could only lie on his back, gasping for breath even as he tried to maintain respectability.
"Officer... Padding... reporting... for... duty..."
Commissioner Rice looked at him like he was a dead cockroach a pet cat had given her expecting praise.
"Lord help me," she muttered. The Commissioner reached under her desk and pulled out a hefty file in manilla envelope. "Alright, because someone's mother called in a favor," Rice said glaring at Izzy, "and the mayor declined my strongly worded letter objecting to this idea, you two will be working undercover. You'll be..."
1) Going after Scarlet Helgesson aka the Red Whale, the head of a notorious criminal organization that formed in the wake of the great shrinking epidemic.
2) Infiltrating the CTC to investigate reports of corruption. Even worse, it's the same building Tessa works.
3) Some other third thing?
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