Chapter #2Tracy Zhang, Backdoor Therapist by: Mr.Tones   So, you wanna know what it's like to be a hacker in the 23rd century huh? Well take a seat if you haven't already and grab some popcorn, hopefully with caramel, and read along as I give you the full download on what it's like to not only be a futuristic hacker, but the best hacker of the 22s!
Now you might be wondering, what does it exactly mean to be a hacker in a world where robots are legally people too and have rights, am I right? Well it's complicated alright?! I don't have time, and I imagine you ain't got the patience, for me to explain the messy and weird laws and taboos about the difference between a "Robinod" (The official name for self aware robos) and a simple A.I. and blah blah blah!
All you've gotta know is that pretty much anything you weren't allowed to hack in the 21st century you still aren't in the 23rd, just add robots to that list and we're on the same page. Besides, not like most people could hack a robot anyway. Have you ever seen what the code looks like for a sentient robot? Stuff looks like what would happen if you took speghttie and threw it in a blender.
You know I could actually really go for some speghttie right now…
A-anyway, point is this is why I'm the best of the best of the BEST! I can wade through even the most messed up Robos head with ease. Now cus I know you love asking questions I know you're already thinking "So then how do you even make money doing that?"
Well that's where the real fun starts! We're gonna go ahead and cut to me in my office working with a client, no better way to explain than to show!
******
"And you're sure that this will cure my crippling fear of cats?"
"If it doesn't my name isn't Tracy! So I'm putting in all the stops not only for you, but also soi don't gotta change my driver's license."
"Heh, okay, just uh… let me know when you are done then?"
"Of course, of course!"
I was lying through my teeth, his mod was done ten minutes ago, I was just fucking around playing Team Fortress 2 to make it look like I was doing something. The robo had come in desperate, LED eyes looking around constantly like he was about to get jumped by a cat at any moment. Technically the mod wouldn't actually cure the fear, that would take days if not weeks of coding to do. Nah I just slapped a program that would intercept the jumble of code that makes him scared and changes it to delight. Easy, light weight, and fixes the problem.
Win-win!
"Annnnd done Mr. 471995!"
I never got why some Robos used their serial number as their name, but whatever. I closed the laptop and carefully began disconnecting the two odd wires I had hooked into the back of the metal box that made up his head. The guy stood up and stretched, one of those "learned behaviors" I think, before he turned to face me with a happy but nervous smile on his face screen.
"So uh, how do we know if worked or-"
I wasn't really listening though, it's always the same set questions after I finish a mod, and instead had gotten up with a little effort, I had been sitting there for like 30 minutes and my ass was sore, and headed over to my bedroom door. I then opened it to let Cheetah out who for this very client I had locked up just before they got here. The tiny tabby waltzed out already looking for food but before she was able to even realize I was there I had scooped her up and brought her over to the robo.
With no warning or ceremony I plopped Cheetah on his head and waited to see what he did. Most of the time my mods worked perfectly the first time, but you only need one failing once for you to become cautious. Seriously, it was not a good time figuring out how a mod to quit smoking turned that robo into a freaking Japanese School Girl cosplayer.
Thankfully I didn't need to force him into sleep mode because instead of freaking out or doing something unexpected he just gingerly took Cheetah off his had and held her to his face, a weird look on his face for a bit until it started to turn into one of elation. Dude started dancing with Cheetah like a bit dork, spinning in little circles while the poor girl meowed disbondentley.
"Yes yes yes, no more fear! I can look at this little cuties face and instead of irrational anxieties I only feel joy!"
He had then set her down on the couch, where she promptly hopped off in search for her food bowl, before coming over and grasping my hand in both of his, shaking it in an overly efficient up down motion. I could feel myself jiggling in places I don't even have that much fat in.
"I could never thank you enough miss Zhang! 10'000 was nothing for my new found ability to live a life free of fear of felines!"
"N-n-n-no pr-pr-pr-problem!"
My arm was sore the rest of the day.
******
In case you somehow still haven't gotten it, I'm a "Backdoor Therapist".
Any time a time robo either can't afford a therapist or just wants a quick fix instead of a spiritual enlightenment they come me! Technically it's illegal, for me to be doing none medical related coding on a robo and for the robo to be installing illegal code, but no one's really paid attention so long as you weren't cranking out muderes or something stupid like that. Easy too since most of the time all it takes is a little mod here and there and they're good to go.
Yup, and I'm the best in the biz baby! Sure there was a handful of other backdoor therapists with a good reputation in 0b-city, but none were as good as mine. All the Robos knew if they wanted the best, go to Tracy!
Though, with all that said, maybe I was TOO good. And that isn't just me talking big, with a reputation like mine it's not surprising word got around.
How else do you explain-  indicates the next chapter needs to be written. |
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