You find yourself transported into an episode of a Big Bang Theory episode. You catch a glimpse of your clothes and the apartment you´re in and see that you must be Leonard, the short but lovable protagonist with the annoying roommate, Sheldon, and your way out of your league girlfriend, Penny.
It was a Monday night at the apartment, Chinese night. Penny was treating herself (as usual) to the food without chipping in. You and Sheldon sat on the coach; Penny was sat at the edge of the chair telling them the details on her new manager at work. I was struggling to listen to her with her skimpy blue tank top without a bra underneath; I could catch an outline of her nipples when she inhaled. My eyes drifted over her thighs in her tight jeans and her blonde hair tied into lazy pigtails; it made me think of a blonde, slutty Princess Leia. She stopped and laughed making me snap out of offer a up a surprised ¨Oh, wow!¨
¨What are the odds?¨ Penny shrugged
¨Easily calculable¨ Sheldon pipped up reflexively going into statistics getting an eyeroll from both of us making the audience laugh. He kept going until I cut him off.
¨Sheldon! It´s an amazing coincidence. Can we leave it at that?¨ I hinted for Sheldon to stop.
¨I´m sorry. Oh Penny! It´s as if the Cheescake Factory is run by witches!¨ A big laugh came from the audience with his belt of sarcasm. Penny threatened to punch him but then got up and offered to take the plates away.
¨Oh, that´s very nice! Would you like a chocolate?¨ Sheldon reached for the table and grabbed a box. Penny leaned in and took it from him. Leonard looked on suspiciously.
¨What was that?¨ I asked him a bit confused.
Sheldon shrugged ¨You said be nice to Penny. I believe offering chocolate to someone falls into what one would consider the definition of nice.¨ The audience laughed but Leonard was skeptical of Sheldon´s motives, which usually tended to ¨obnoxious and insufferable¨. We were interrupted by Raj and Wolowitz´s latest stunt to picked women, dressing like guys into goth. Howard had a ridiculous fake sleeve tattoo with eyeliner and hair product. It got a few laughs but I was more interested in the hot blonde standing in the kitchen. They left and Penny made the mistake of sitting in Sheldon´s spot but quickly caught herself and apologized. He was appreciative of her moving so and offered her another chocolate making the audience laugh. The scene cut to black and I looked around confused.
The lights came back up! The next scene started with us on the couch watching TV, Penny looking thoroughly confused.
¨What´s this cartoon called again?¨
¨It´s not a cartoon, it´s anime.¨ Sheldon corrected her.
Penny stared straight ahead ¨Anime? I knew a girl in high school named Anna May¨ I laughed a little at the joke. ¨Anna May Fletcher. She had one nostril then had a bad nose job and ended up with three!¨ Everyone else laughed heartily at the joke. When I could hear the show again I saw Penny apologizing to Sheldon for talking when the film.
¨Thank you, chocolate?¨ Penny smiled and reached in eagerly snapping up another one. Her phone rang and she started talking but then got up to talk outside. Sheldon offered her another chocolate for her considerable behavior. She got up and I caught a whiff of her perfume. It was all I could do not to rip her jeans off then and there and shove my whole face deep in her pussy. She closed the door and I paused the movie.
¨Ok, I know what you´re doing. You´re using chocolate for positive reinforcement for what you consider correct behavior!¨ The audience laughed as if the words I was saying were being forced from my lips. Sheldon offered me a chocolate for guessing correctly.
¨Sheldon, you can´t train my girlfriend like a lab rat!¨
¨Actually it turns out I can.¨ The audience laughed as I told him he shouldn´t. ¨There´s just no pleasing you, I tried to build on the works of Thorndyke and B.F. Skinner. I bet by this time next week I can her jumping out a pool balancing a beach ball on her nose!¨ The people laughed uproariously as Sheldon told me he was sanding off the rough edges of her personality. I stared up at the ceiling shaking my head. Meanwhile out in the hall, Penny laughed annoyingly loud exclaiming ¨Oh my gosh, she didn´t!!¨ in a speaky almost teenage voice. I looked over wondering what she was talking about for so long.
Sheldon leaned in ¨You know, using positive reinforcement techniques. I could train that behavior out of her in a week.¨ The audience laughed making me feel a little uncomfortable with where this might be going. I gave him a firm No. ¨If you let me use negative reinforcement I can do it even quicker. C´mon don´t tell me you´re not intrigued by the possibility of building a better girlfriend?¨
I had to think about it for a moment but I defended Penny saying her good and bad qualities made her who she was. Penny then undermined my argument by laughing annoyingly in the hall.
¨You mean like that high--pitched irritating laugh? You wouldn´t prefer a throaty chuckle?¨
¨You´re not going to change how Penny laughs¨ I protested a little less enthusiastically
¨Ugh, sorry guys, that girl is FFRRREEAAKKYYY!¨ in an excited and exaggerated voice.
¨Come again?¨ Sheldon asked.
¨Freaky¨ Penny replied in a lower voice.
Sheldon lowered his own voice ¨Freaky?¨
¨Yeah, freaky¨ Penny voice was almost a deep as his freaking me out. The audience laughed uproariously as Sheldon gave her a chocolate. She thanked him in her low voice I almost jumped out of my seat as Sheldon sat smiling then got up.
¨I´m going to turn in, I trust if you two are going to engage in amorous activities you´ll keep it to a reasonable volume. Penny agreed and Sheldon tossed her a chocolate that she caught in her mouth. ¨Unbelievable¨ I muttered as I walked up to Sheldon in the kitchen.
¨Well? What do you think of my little experiment so far?¨ I looked at Penny getting up, her ass cupped perfectly in her tight jeans. She turned around and stretched her arms above her head pushing her big breasts out. My hard on was raging; Sheldon looked down at the tent I was pitching.
¨Well, are you in or are you out?¨
I was conflicted, do I make Penny into my ideal girlfriend?  You have the following choices:  indicates the next chapter needs to be written. |
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