A single click. And a single cookie appeared in the Commander's hand. He stared at it a long moment, and chuckled.
"Well, I knew it was going to be anticlimactic," he said, "and yet I did it anyway. Ah well, no harm done." He clicked it a few more times and removed his faceplate. "Anyone want cookies?"
"Didn't you say-" Dr. Mindbender started to say.
"Addictive? Yes. But only if you let them be. Same as any drug. You're all reasonably intelligent people," he said, shocking everyone at the compliment. "So I think you'll be fine." He popped a cookie into his mouth and ate it, smiling. "Mmmm, that's tasty."
Reluctantly, Baroness, Destro, Tomax, Xamot, and Mindbender all took a cookie from the pile in the Commander's hand. They tried them... and admitted that they were quite tasty. Baroness fidgeted, adjusting her top slightly, her breasts becoming oddly uncomfortable. For some reason she felt as if the statue of Mokalsium was looking at her.
"Interesting... May I have another?" Mindbender said.
"Certainly," the Commander said. He created some more cookies, everyone taking another.
Crunching on their cookies, Tomax and Xamot quietly talked to one another in that mysterious way twins have. After a moment, Xamot spoke.
"An interesting idea, Commander. We're clearly dealing with magic, yes, but how do you intend to create enough cookies to meet the growing demand you anticipate?"
"In addition," Tomax added, "Where will you store the cookies once you have a substantial amount?"
"Plus there is variety to consider," Xamot chimed in. "Chocolate chip is all well and good, but customers enjoy variety."
"The device has a function that will create facilities to make cookies, workers to sell and craft cookies, and something to automatically click for me, the facilities increasing the mount of cookies created per second and per click," the Commander said. "In addition, my research states that the more the device is used, the greater the variety of cookie will appear. As for storage excess? Supposedly, once enough cookies are made, they will all be contained in a bank with infinite storage capacity, which can be withdrawn from at will."
Tomax and Xamot traded looks. "It... could work..." Xamot said hesitantly. "I find myself wanting another cookie, several other cookies, even though I know I shouldn't..."
Tomax nodded. "Cookies are a legitimate operation, so G.I. Joe would have no reason to suspect it... We could still call it Cobra's Cookie Corner in our files, but we'd need a less obvious name."
Mindbender smacked his lips, still tasting the chocolate. "...I want to interview these workers when you summon them," he said.
Cobra Commander nodded. "I'm sure they'll be glad to meet someone like you. Just be respectful. There's warning related to them."
Mindbender snorted. "Isn't there always?" he asked, amused.
Destro noticed Baroness fidgeting with her top. "Something wrong, my dear?"
Baroness frowned, shaking her head. "I don't know..." she said, not noticing the look of amusement Cobra Commander gave her.
"Is... Is that really it?" said a Viper. Cobra Commander stared at the one who spokes, his comrades stepping back away from him in anticipation of his grisly death. The other officers just glared disdainfully at the upstart Viper as he stepped forward. "We came all the way out here... for a cookie scheme?"
"This business," Tomax said.
"Costs money," Xamot said.
"It's unusual," Tomax said.
"But this scheme," Xamot said.
"Looks like it will bring profit that we need," the brothers finished in unison.
"But its COOKIES! Magic fucking cookies!" the Viper said, incredulous.
"Mind your tongue and your Commander!" Baroness snapped, the growing discomfort in her breasts starting to get to her.
The Viper shook his head. "No! I can't, I just... I joined because I thought we'd be doing something amazing! Not chasing magic cookie toys in the jungle!" he said. "This is stupid!"
Click.
The Viper staggered. "What... What the..." He clutched his stomach.
Dr. Mindbender looked interested. "What did you do?" Destro asked the Commander.
Clickclick.
The Viper staggered again, clutching his stomach. "Oh good, it worked," Cobra Commander said, smirking and putting his mask back on. "I made cookies appear in his stomach. And now I'm going to make more appear."
Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickcl ickclickclickclickclickclickclick...
Cobra Commander clicked the Clicker over and over again. The Viper's stomach rapidly inflated, the frightened soldier falling to his back in agony as more and more cookies appeared in his stomach. The Viper's belly grew like a balloon, skin audibly stretching, until...
SPLORCH.
Cookies, blood, and bits of stomach and intenstine flew out of the Viper's stomach as he exploded, Destro, Baroness, Xamot and Tomax stepping back to avoid the blood spray. The Viper died instantly, slumping over and collapsing as he bled out, the cookies in his stomach covered in red. The other Vipers all stared in horror, while Dr. Mindbender, not caring about the blood on his boots, stepped forward to look the corpse over, fascinated.
"Hmph," Xamot said. "Dumb enough to confront his Commander."
"He's lucky to have gotten off," Tomax added.
"So easily," the brothers finished in unison.
"Hm..." Destro said, stroking his metal-armored chin. "A weapon that can teleport something directly into the body of a target..." He began to draft designs in his head.
Cobra Commander chuckled. "Anyone else think cookies are stupid now?"
"SIR NO SIR!" the terrified Vipers chorused.
"Can we leave now?" Baroness asked. "I feel strange here."
Cobra Commander nodded. "Yeah," he said. "This place smells like mold. Let's go home, everyone. We have plans to make." He looked to the dead Viper. "Leave him. Take his wallet and his gear. The jungle can have him."
Dr. Mindbender, dusting himself, stood up, he and the other officers immediately forgetting about the dead Viper as he bled over the cookies in his stomach. The Vipers looted their comrade's corpse and followed their officers out, praying that something horrible wasn't on the verge of happening...
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