(Takes place pre-time skip, sometime between Chapter 6 and 7. Minor spoilers.)
Tonight, Byleth was regretting several of his life choices.
It had started with constantly finding lost items and returning them to the students. Then he started doing random odd jobs and favors for anyone who'd ask whenever he had a free day. Then he started replying to requests for advice in the confession box. He tried to be anonymous, but apparently, his handwriting was distinct enough that everyone knew it was him.
Before Byleth knew it, he had become the go-to professor whenever students needed help or advice, whether they were part of his house or not. Sometimes it was rewarding, like when he got the likes of Marianne, Felix, or Bernadetta to actually participate in school activities and interact with their fellow students voluntarily. Sometimes it was terrible, like the night that Dimitri came to his room at three in the morning on behalf of Sylvain, who, in the words of the befuddled prince, "put it in a scabbard this time, and now it's stuck."
Tonight hadn't reached that level of unpleasantness yet, but was rapidly coming close.
"You... yoooooouuuuu're the besht, Professhor," Manuela slurred her words as she drunkenly leaned into the stoic younger professor. "Byleth'sh good people. Dorothea! Ishn't Byleth good people?"
"Yes, he sure is, Manuela. We're lucky we ran into him tonight," Dorothea dutifully answered her former opera costar and mentor as she put one of the drunk woman's arms around her shoulder and mouthed yet another "sorry" to Byleth.
"It's fine, Dorothea," Byleth assured her as he took Manuela's other arm and helped the Black Eagle half-walk, half-drag her to her quarters. "Let's just get her inside before someone else sees..."
"Ah," a somewhat pompous voice said. "Good evening, Professor Byleth," Hanneman greeted Byleth as he left the dining hall. "I was unaware that you were also on partrol tonight..."
He trailed off and sighed in disgust as he saw Manuella. "Oh, you must be joking. Really, Manuela? And so soon after your run-in with the Death Knight? Your wound so easily could have reopened from all your gallivanting about!"
"Oh no!" Manuela's head jerked up as she glared lazily at her rival. "Watch out, Byleth! Hanna... Hammerman'sh got a case of the stickbutt! You'll catsch it if you exshpose your butt to him! Trusht me... I'm a doctor... You should expose your butt to meeee..."
"There are all manner of things wrong with what you just said!" Hanneman huffed indignantly. "First of all..."
"Professor, please," Byleth said, tilting his head meaningfully towards Dorothea. "Not now."
Hanneman took a deep breath. "Yes... it is inappropriate to discuss this in front of a student. Very well, Professor. I will leave her in your hands. Are you still available for me to study your crest tomorrow?"
"Sure, why not?" Byleth agreed offhandedly, already working with Dorothea to put as much difference between Manuela and Hanneman as possible before the drunken songstress could provoke another argument.
"Your butt'sh forfeit Byleth... I waarrrrrrrned yooooouuuu..." Manuela slurred as she reached under Byleth's cloak and pinched his rear end. Byleth's eyes widened slightly but he otherwise did not react.
"Manuela, please," Dorothea sighed tiredly. "You're better than that. No offense, Professor."
"Mmmm you're a good, Dorothea. You're... mmm..."
Manuela went slack, passing out with an undignfied snore.
"Well, that simplifies things," Byleth declared. "Come on, Dorothea. Let's get her to her room before something else happens..."
"Professor!" Lysithea called out. spotting Byleth as she was leaving the library and running up to meet him. Byleth's eye twitched.
"You are certainly popular tonight, Professor," Dorothea joked lightly. Manuela grumbled incoherently.
"Claude and I have been working on our plan for the Battle of Eagle and Lion!" Lysithea announced excitedly, holding up a small bottle. "We were able to produce the effects to a potion instead of a spell, and..." she trailed off as she finally noticed that Byleth wasn't alone.
"Not a great time, Lysithea," Byleth gently scolded her. "We'll discuss it after class tomorrow, alright?"
"Good point, professor," Lysithea nodded before glaring at Dorothea. "We don't want to discuss things in front of the enemy. And Edelgard better not learn of any of this!"
"Don't worry, Lysithea," Dorothea smiled indulgently. "I have bigger things to worry about tonight. Your secret's safe with me." She smirked. "But as much as I respect Professor Byleth... your house is going down, little girl."
"Do NOT treat me like a child..." Lysithea stomped towards Dorothea menacingly, only to slip and fall. The bottle in her hand was inadvertently flung into the air, where the loose top came off and the potion within splashed all over Manuela.
"Hmm... wassat?" Manuela woke from the sensation.
"Ugh... Manuela, you're so much heavier, all of a sudden," Dorothea grunted, now struggling to hold her mentor's weight.
Byleth and Lysithea's eyes widened. "Dorothea," Byleth said gravely. "Let go."
"Huh?"
Manuela's arms suddenly expanded to the size and weight of heavy tree branches, nearly pinning Dorothea before she managed to shake the limp professor off of her. Manuela hit the ground with a thud and a grunt, both of which were considerably louder than they should have been.
"Manuela, I'm so sorry, I..." Dorothea trailed off as she stared, slack-jawed at the sight before her.
Manuela was growing. Already, she was twice as large as normal, and the growth was showing no sings of stopping.
"What's happening to her?!" Dorothea demanded with a shriek.
"Our secret weapon!" Lysithea cried. "I've been working on it all month and now it's ruined!"
"Manuela," Byleth moved towards the professor's ear. She was already fifteen feet tall and the growth was accelerating rapidly. "Come on, we need to get you somewhere out in the open.
"Mmm... the groundsh comfy," Manuella sighed, damaging the stone walkway as she rolled onto her side. "Nighty-night..."
Manuela fell back asleep. Her body was now big enough that it was starting to rub against the north wall of the reception hall creating an ominous groan.
"What's going on out there?!" Seteth's voice demanded loudly from within. "What's blocking the archway?!"
"And now Professor Casagranda's butt has everyone trapped in the reception hall," Lysithea sighed.
"At least she's still outside," Byleth half-heartedly consoled his student.
"I'm going to get expelled for this..." Lysithea fretted.
"You SHOULD get expelled for this!" Dorothea snapped.
"No one's getting expelled!" Byleth insisted as he walked around the expanding body until he was in front of Manuela's sleeping face. She was now fifty feet tall. "Professor?"
The giantess grumbled a bit as she exhaled a gigantic, alcohol-laced breath onto Byleth.
“MANUELA!” Byleth shouted. “WAKE UP!”
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