Jared breathed in and out to calm himself down. He was a health nut not exactly the strongest or biggest but we was still pretty active in high school which is how he got his rather slim but muscular body. Yet here he was dealing with a crisis no college sports team wanted him he tried them all desperately tried begged them practically to take him. but none of them would take him. They said while he was clearly dedicated they just weren't looking for anyone like him. He felt rejected he couldn't wait to play college sports but no they basically told him the polite version of "you are just so small." He felt small especially with how alone he was his girlfriend had left him when she found out he was gay. He thought he knew her then she abandoned him and called him awful things so he felt himself shrink lower and lower. He might have had his parents but while they weren't treating him as bad they clearly did not accept him and were just hoping he would drop the subject. Further he sunk as he realized that he had no friends who all abandoned him like everyone else. He was alone right now his dorm was just him he thought at first it was lucky but now with no one around him and with no sports to look forward to and even his classes were boring and he was alone in his dorm. He deleted his twitter and insta. He had to discard his email and forgot about all the things he had that email attached to. He had to truly start anew he felt alone, and abanonded all of it further making him shrink. Any sport any of them were supposed to make him feel better make him feel alive again well besides at lunch or dinner time when he felt a little bit better. He at first wanted to avoid food dependency as "I'm saving myself for sports gotta keep that figure" But as he wallowed further and further he realized he didn't care he was so miserable even temporary boosts were like heaven to him. he didn't care about the concequences this misery was unbearable.
Jared drove to a nearby McDonalds and forced a happy voice and demeanor on himself drive thru was the only choice for what he was doing. he would feel far too much shame. he arrived at the menu and heard the Normal greeting. he looked at his thin waist he knew this would be the last he would see of it. He ordered 4 big-mac meals. and got 4 vanilla Mcflurry. He paid and then got his food he drove off. and then put the food in the back and Drove to Taco Bell once again ordered more food nothing light either 3 Quesoritos. he got his food then went back to his dorm. It was dark ish and nobody was really out and about. He grabbed the food and drinks and went into his dorm put them on his bed and the McFlurry's on the side table. He breathed in and out and then Opened the first big mac and just shoved it in his mouth and for a briefest of seconds he felt happy genuinely happy and with that feeling he shoved as much as he could into each bite with in a minute it was gone he wanted to feel like a pig but the food made him feel joy. He attacked the rest of the big macs shoving them in his mouth loving how happy he felt he was genuinely laughing and smiling oh he felt so happy. and then he attacked the fries still feeling so happy And dumped the tacobell bag and attacked the burrito and ignored how much he was eating he was happy. He hadn't felt happy or joy in weeks. he then downed the now melted McFlurrys. My belly was bloated and it hurt so bad but I was happy but it was fading I still felt happy but it wasn't as much as I was feeling and it was fading fast. I decided to balance my choices and by balance my choices I was grabbing my keys and ignoring my bloated belly I wanted to feel happy and I would eat myself into a food coma if it would make me feel joy.
3 hours later...
I waddled slowly back into my dorm. I ate so much but I felt like I was in heaven I was happy my belly was throbbing in pain but joy was what I was feeling and my belly will thank me later. I giggle a bit kinda high and tired as I fall on my bed my shirt is stretched a bit. I giggle again and fall lay down not having showered I didn't care I was happy. I then felt tired and laid down and then my head hit the pillow I was soon asleep happy.
The Next Morning...
I yawned awake and I looked down at my belly it was smaller but I definitely had a belly. It was so shocking I wasn't skinny anymore and i still felt a little joy but not as euphoric as last night I felt the depression return. I got up and showered and got ready then went out to get breakfast I wondered where I should go it was going to be awhile until classes start.
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