Glen sighed with heavy exhaustion as he poured some cups worth of water into the coffee machine. He had really given it all he could to get those sales commissions, but in his mind it was worth it. The opossum didn’t care if he was seen as an asskisser for quite potentially the world’s worst boss, the rare compliment to come from her fatty beak made him feel lighter than air.
Glen shut the latch on the top of the coffee machine down and placed the pot in the warmer. Slowly, the pot filled back up again with the lifeblood of any modern office. Not having anything else to do at the moment, the opossum was content to just observe the device go through with its motions, when the floor underneath him began to give out an all too familiar quake. He glanced back to see that the very object of his fantasies, Bertha, had come into the break room.
Bertha’s presence made Glen stiffen his posture as anxiety began to claim him. He contemplated simply ignoring her, but that would be seen as too obvious. The blubbery turkey never used the call center break room, always opting to use her own office as a lunch area...for food that wasn't live, of course. He turned his head further and gave out a smile with a stutter. “He-Hello they're, Ms. Bertha! Did you need something? Some coffee, perhaps?” He tried to be polite, knowing full well that just because he had the most sales didn’t take him off the chopping block.
“Mmm...yeah, I wanted to have a word with you, Glen.” Bertha made her way towards the coffee machine where Glen was standing in front of. He turned around to fully face her just in time for her big, feathery belly to smoosh up against his torso, making his skin go red underneath his fur. The opossum looked up nervously to see the fat turkey smiling down on him. And for the first time since he joined the call center...it wasn’t the smile one would give to a good looking piece of meat. “I wanted to ask you...did you honestly think I couldn’t see that big, throbbing erection in your pants every time I walked by?”
Glen’s world seemed to fall apart as his eyes widened in horror. She found out, Berths had known about his crush on her this whole time! His legs went soft under her gaze, and if it wasn't for her belly pressing him against the counter he would have fallen to the floor. The opossum muster up all the courage he had and gulped before giving his reply. “Y-yeah...yeah, I thought I kept it hidden…”
“Ah, but it wasn’t. It was in plain sight from day one, and evan know I can feel your little boner press up against my big, comfy paunch.” She closed her eyes and sensually gripped both sides of her huge, heaving belly to lift it up before letting it fall. Glen began to shrivel evan further under her from the teasing, to which the turkey took much pleasure in. “I have a proposition for you, Glen. I need you to rank in a hundred sales by next week.”
“What?!” Glen shouted as much as he could with all that turkey flesh pressing into his lungs. Bertha’s pudgy wing hand smothered his mouth while the other one was raised in front of her face, making a shushing sound.
“Listen, Glen. I’m tired of taking charge of the call center, I’ve been her too long. It’s time I move up in this company, and I’m gonna use you to get what I want. A spot’s opened up for the regional director of sales, and whichever call center manager has the most commissions gets the job. You’re gonna be my ace in the hole, and as for your reward, not only will I promote you to manager…”
Big Bertha leaned past her vast cleavage to plant a gentle, soft kiss down on Glen’s forehead. The little opossum squirmed as every fantasy he had ever had about the turkey was coming true. “...I’ll give you a chance with a date. You seem cute enough, and maybe you’ll impress me enough to warrant another one. But, until than…” she finally released her vice grip on him, leaving her employee to call to the ground. “...you got a hundred calls to go.” With that, she left him with his pot of freshly brewed coffee and headed back to her office.
———————————————-
“Good afternoon!” Glen spoke into the mouthpiece with the first kind of genuine enthusiasm since he started at the call center. “My name is Glen, I’m a soulless telemarketer working at an unethical business calling you in hopes of selling a deceptively overpriced product. Before you hang up and wish I was dead, however, do you mind if I ask you a question?”
Almost everyone who had Glen’s voice in earshot suddenly stopped what they were doping to look around and give him an incredulous stare. The opossum ignored them, having anticipated such a response. If he was going to get a hundred commissions, his old tactics wouldn't work, he would have to go in bold. Brutal honesty, in his opinion, always caught people’s attention.
For a couple of seconds, there was nothing but silence on the receiver, until Glen heard a long and drawn out sigh. “Alright, let’s see where this goes. Shoot.” Jackpot.
“Have you recently lost a loved one to a predator?”
“...yeah.”
“Who?”
“My uh...one of my sons. One of the teachers from his school followed him home one day and…” Glen could tell his voice was breaking a little. Time to pivot away.
“That’s alright, sir, you don’t have to go nay further. Can you spare me the time for another question?”
“...mhmm.”
“Are you afraid it could happen again?”
At this point, he heard a choked sob on the other end. “Oh God...yes, yes of course I’m scared! I’ve been trying to play it cool, but...fuck!”
“This is where the soulless telemarketer comes in to play on your emotions.” One of Glen’s colleagues dropped a cup of coffee on the floor. This wasn’t bold, this was insane! “I work for a security system company, sir, I target potential prey customers that feel scared, vulnerable, and small. We can put cameras around your home to make sure would be predators won’t get away with what they’ve done. We can put alarms that notify the police when they detect a break in. We can put notifications on your phone when your sons don’t come home in time.”
Again, silence. Glen began to sweat bullets as almost every eye in the call center was on him. Was his plan crazy enough to work, or just plain crazy. Finally, the voice responded back. “Do you...have family packages?”
For the rest of the day at the office, Glen’s phone line was full of calls like that, and they almost always ended with a sale. His coworkers were so suprised and so taken aback that his ridiculous strategy worked, that they began to copy him. Soon, evreyone was getting good calls, which meant the opossum had to double down in his efforts to make sure he stood out on Friday.
The next day saw the call center break it’s record for sales taken in per day. On Monday they broke the record they had set for themselves. The day after that was full of good numbers, too, and the day after that, and the day after that...and pretty soon it was Friday again. And for the first time in a very long time, aside from a lack of excuses to eat her employees, Bertha was impressed. In the end, Glen didn’t make a hundred sales commissions...
He made more then twice that number.
“You know...I should probably kiss you for all this.” Bertha sighed wistfully as she packed up her personal things from Glen’s new office. The opossum could scarcely believe it, just last week he was some lowly, expendable phone jockey...now he was king of them! “That brutal honesty but you came up with? I thought you were batshit crazy out of your mind when I heard what you were saying...but hey, it’s not my problem any more, is it?”
“The office won’t be the same without you, Ms. Bertha.” Glen smiled sadly, happy to see the object of his fantasies move up in the world, but depressed he would no longer be able to see her down random colleagues when’re she was peckish. “I can only hope I can fill the shoes you left for me!”
“You better, boy, because the big leagues have quotas too.” Bertha smiled devious as she lifts the last box of her stuff into her arms. “I’ll be sure to stop on by when I think your a little short in sales...oh, and about your reward...”
Glen hadn’t forgotten about the promise of a date. He had everything planned out for a nice, relaxing evening at...
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