The blue door. The lovely blue door. I listen at the blue door. I sniff around the blue door. I think I hear the ocean. Typical, I know. When I cup my hand and hold it over my ear I also hear the ocean. I'm certain I can also smell humid salty sea air. It must be the ocean. I like the ocean.
I open and walk through the blue door. Sure enough I stumble, literally, onto a sandy beach. The beach quickly rises to high cliffs and forms a beautiful bay. To my delight the sun is setting in the distance. I wish I had remembered to pack a jacket.
I turn around to mark the place the blue door let me on to the beach so I can return to it when I've had enough of the sea and sand. Wait. I'm sure it was here a minute ago. I'm certain I walked through a blue door on to this beach. Well, it's not here now. I guess I'll have to find another door.
Let's see. The sun is setting. There's a lovely dense jungle made up of palm trees, I hope they have coconuts, and dense undergrowth where I'm certain a blue door once stood open. I'll bet there are large snakes and other nasty creatures in all that undergrowth. I won't know until I pluck up the courage and walk in.
I hiking I must go. Oh, look here there's an animal trail I can follow. It will probably take me to a lagoon. A lagoon will be a perfect place to camp for the night and the next day and the one after that and...Where is this lagoon?
Hold up, what's that I hear? Voices. A celebration maybe. Sounds like a party. I love a good party. Maybe they'll have an entire buffet laid out. A buffet of coconut dip and plantains. An entire meal of local delicacies. Probably most of them fruits and coconuts. I'm almost tired of coconuts already and I haven't even seen one yet. On the other hand I am very hungry. All that door sniffing did work up an appetite. A grand feast does sound lovely, as long as I'm not the main course.
Oh here we are. Don''t those fellows look like their having a good time. What with their eye patches, their peg legs and cutlasses. All toasting each other around the fire. It looks like guys night out. I should fit in perfectly. They do seem a bit rough around the edges but their just blowing off steam. Boys will be boys after all.
"Well helloooo gentlemen. Mind if I join you?" I think that's what I just said.
I'm sure there's a record player around here some where because I'd swear I just heard the needle scratch across it as the music abruptly stopped and everyone is looking right at me. Some are looking at me in surprise. Some are looking at me suspiciously. Some are looking at me like they want to stick their swords through me and use my body as a nice planter. If they do use my body as a planter I hope they plant geraniums. I do like geraniums with a path down the middle.
Wait. What's this? They've just burst into laughter. What's so funny? Hey. You guys. What? Is there large badger behind me that's about to eat me alive?
"Well helllooooooo gentlemen. Mind if I join you?" Well now I know they can understand me. Now that they're repeating back to me what I said. It sounds rather sarcastic though. They all seem to find it funny.
Yeah. I just said that. I just politely asked if I can join your little soiree. Your guys night out. Your celebration of life today, which will probably make you wish you weren't alive tomorrow morning. But I wanna have fun too.
They just will not stop. I wish I had a watch. This is probably some kind of world record for hooting, hollering and carrying on at my expense.
"Captain!" one of them just said between fits of laughter.
Captain? Who is he talking to or about?
"Captain! When did you...ha ha ha ha...get so...ha ha ha...hoity toity...ha ha ha...hoity...ha ha ha"
"Come on man spit it out. I know you can do it."
"Hoity toity...ha ha ha...what does even that mean anyway?"
"Look, I know you guys are enjoying yourselves but I'll never understand what your trying to say unless you finish a sentence." I say.
"Yes, captain. But..."
"Where is your captain?" I ask.
"Stop mockin us, sir. You're are bleedin captain you are."
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