Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Giantess

My name is Jack, and I’m an intern for Republican Congressman Graham. One afternoon, I was called into the Senator's chambers and offered the most bizarre, absurd assignment you could ever imagine. First, they wanted to shrink me down to the size of a worm. Okay? And THEN find a way to secretly get me into contact with Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez in order to spy for Congressman Graham, and see what I could dig up on her.

There was a pregnant pause in the room while I waited for them to share the punchline. They told me that they were quite serious, and in possession of a prototype shrinking machine. It takes several minutes for the process to complete, and cannot be undone until I’m placed back into the machine again. Then, they showed a small example, placing an office chair into the contraption. Since it was an inanimate object, it only took about a minute to shrink it down to thimble size.

I was still trying to figure out if this was some strange test from my superiors, and I had no idea if I was supposed to just riff along with them or what? The whole thing still seemed patently impossible (despite what I’d seen with my very eyes), and I wondered if it was all some magic trick – and the real chair was whisked behind a door or something (rather than actually being shrunk).

They assured me they were quite serious and that – off the record – they felt that she might have some connection to the neighbor who accosted Senator Graham at his home last year. They told me it was up to me to find that dirt, or any other sordid things I could uncover about the fiery Latina Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. They further explained that, although my assignment would always have to be kept secret, I would be doing a heroic job in the name of Capitalism and the American Way.

They explained that - once small - my body would be able to endure a lot more punishment in comparable scale to what my 5’7 body could currently withstand, and that I could do small leaps that would be similarly impossible to achieve per scale for my current size.

The plan was to secretly pass me along through either direct or indirect channels to the body or possessions of Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez in one of the following manner: