After a night of restless sleep, the anonymous collection of her newly obtained hundreds of millions, and a trip to the bank, Bee found herself in a spiffy office on the 9th floor of a tall building downtown. The sound of traffic drifted in through an open window, but she couldn't separate them from her own chaotic thoughts. She looked like she just rolled out of bed: messed up hair, a lack of make-up, a sloppy Frank Zappa t-shirt, baggy sweatpants. A direct contrast from the man she was here to see: Oscar Borden, an esteemed financial advisor. A thin man in his early 50s, very quickly going grey. Black, three piece suit that looked like it cost a fortune. Cornflower blue tie: tasteful.
Mr. Borden leaned back in his swivelling office chair. "Well Miss Hayden, I'm glad you came to me. I've known of so many big lottery winners like yourself who have absolutely squandered their new wealth like a kid in a candy store the moment they got it. Ended up as poor as when they started. You're doing the smart thing."
"Uh, thanks." Bee still couldn't believe she was here.
"Now," he took a quick sip from his steaming #1 DAD coffee cup, "here's what I'm gonna do for you, first off. I'm gonna see you up with some investments. Get you some stock in some large and up-and-coming companies that are absolutely gonna turn a profit. That's where my cut's gonna come from. You won't have to pay me a cent of any money you already have, and you still get to keep most of the money you'll gain from that arrangement. Is that cool?"
"Yeah, yeah that's fine. Then what?"
"That's pretty much all I'll do, manage your investments. You'll never have to touch it. As long as you keep me on, you'll never run out of money. Ever."
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"Okay." She started to laugh.
"I'll be on your retainer in case you have any money questions. Do you have any right now?"
"Uhhhh... Not that I can think of. Do you have any general advice for me?"
"Well, you can spend your money however you'd like, really. You've acquired quite a sum of cash. But if you'd like my advice? Be modest about it. You didn't tell anyone you won 750 million dollars in the lottery, did you? Even a parent?"
"I didn't. No."
"Keep it that way. The people you love will never look at you the same way if they find out. You'll become their personal bank rather than a human being to them. Trust me, I've seen it happen. Are you in a relationship?"
"No."
"Well, if you get into a relationship, that's the ONLY person you should tell about your financial situation. Still, be vague about it. Keep your job for a while. Pretend you're leaving for a better opportunity and then you don't have to work again. Do you live with relatives, rent, or own property?"
"I rent."
"You should buy a house. Move out when your lease runs out. You don't wanna be under the thumb of some landlord if you don't have to be. Do you have roommates?"
"Nope."
"Nevermind then. Um..." He tapped a pen to his desk. "I think that's all. You've got my number, call me anytime. Around the clock advice is what you're paying me for." He rose from his seat and extended a hand for a handshake.
Bee promptly shook his hand with gusto. He seemed surprised by the firmness of her handshake. "Thank you so much. I'll let you know if I have any questions."
"Great! I look forward to having you as a client. Enjoy your winnings! My secretary will have some forms for you to fill out when you leave. Contracts and stuff. You can take them to a lawyer if you want, no rush on signing."
***
Bee sat in her crappy 00s Ford Taurus, which she thought would be soon on the chopping block for replacement, thinking about what Mr. Borden told her. It was great advice, but at the bottom of her heart she knew she needed to be impractical right now and make some vanity purchases. Something throwaway that Borden said stuck out to her, playing again and again in her mind like a broken record: "...squandered their new wealth like a kid in a candy store..." She thought that that might be a good idea.
***
Bee saw the sign from the highway: Charlie's Candy Emporium. Every day she thanked the God in Heaven that she didn't believe in that she happened to live in the same city as the largest candy store in the Midwest. However, budgetary constraints left her a bit disappointed every time she paid a visit; her wallet could only take so much chocolate expenditure. Until now. Bee licked her lips as she exited her car into the parking lot. UNTIL NOW.
Charlie's was more like a warehouse than a typical candy store, specializing in bulk and wholesale candy of all shapes and sizes. Despite its somewhat drab decoration on the outside, it still had the gooey center that Bee so loved. So. Much. Candy. She picked a cart and began the process. Pushing aisle to aisle she picked up cases upon cases of bulk Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, big ol Hershey and Crunch bars, lollipops, Kit Kat bars, Jolly Ranchers, Sour Patch Kids, Cadbury Eggs, chewy caramels and taffies, and so on and so on. She got approximately one metric fuckton of sour Gummy Worms, a personal favorite, and even threw in some of the REALLY big kind. Her cart was heaping to put it mildly by the time she got to the jelly bean dispenser, which was the most important stop. Bee loved jelly beans more than sex. If she were a superhero, they'd be her kryptonite. Normally when she came here she only got a single bag of them, but now? She went overboard. Bags upon bags, pounds upon pounds, she filled them with delight, even turning herself on a little bit when she thought of all that fuckin sugar that was gonna sit in her stomach like a rock.
Bee ended up spending more than a grand on candy. She filled up three whole carts to bursting, and it was all for her. No sharing, no moderation. Just her and a mountain of chocolate, impatiently waiting to be shoved into her stomach. After loading up her car to candy capacity, she had a thought. You know what would be good with jelly beans? Ice cream. Lots and lots of ice cream.
***
"Hi, I'd like to buy this store's entire stock of vanilla ice cream."
The grocery store customer service desk lady, whose name was Stacey according to her name tag, looked at Bee like she was crazy. I mean, really tall goth girl? Looking like she just woke up from a 10 year long nap? You'd think she was crazy too. "Uhh, our entire...?"
"Yeah, all of it. You heard right. I've got a big party coming up, we're making a big sundae." The only party she actually had coming up was in her stomach and later in her panties, but she was a good liar.
"Uhhhhh, I guess we can do that. But only the stuff that's already on the shelves, I-"
"No, I want all of it. That's why I'm talking to you instead of going to the frozen aisle and getting it myself." Bee stared bullets into Stacey. She loved being intimidating.
"Uhhh..."
***
Bee's current apartment was a tight little one bedroom spot on the 3rd floor of some building on the west side. It wasn't particularly fancy, but it was in a good area and it was home-y. Just what she needed. She was always happy that she lived in a city where she could actually afford to live by herself, that way she wouldn't have to annoy her roommates with her weird kinky sex stuff or casual hookups. She was pretty loud in the bedroom and was lucky the walls weren't too thin.
Bee had just finished shoving all the ice cream in the freezer and fridge, taking out and cracking open a celebratory beer in the process. She plopped down on the sofa, admiring the pile of candy in the corner. Fuck, it was gonna take weeks of a candy only diet to go through all this shit. She glugged down half of the beer and belched. Dammit, she wanted sex now. Hedonism was running through her veins. Might as well text some guy a booty call, but who? She scrolled through her contacts.
Logan was ol' reliable. Always down to fool around. Total sweetheart. Great kisser. Even better in bed. If she was into relationships, Bee would totally ask this guy. Thing is, he wasn't that into the food stuff. He'd do it for a blowjob, but she could tell his heart wasn't really in it.
And then there was Vincent. Bee got Vincent's number off the internet on some feeder dating site and the two texted and Snapchatted each other about kinky stuff all the time. They'd only been on a couple dates, which both ended in some wonderful car belly rubs and make out sessions, but they've never actually had sex with each other before. Was tonight the night?
Who to text?
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