Jesse stared at this caricature of a woman that was his Aunt Ursula.
Her weight wasn't even like his parents had described to him in their stories. She was Huge! She was only 5 inches taller than you, but she had to be at least 400 pounds! Her belly was perfectly round and had two watermelon-sized breast resting comfortable on top of it. Her are were like bags or pudding and her thighs like tree trunk. Her but stood out behind her and had a tremendous shelf with it. Her face was plumped with dimpled cheeks and a second chin going-on third.
But it was her outfit that really stood out. Everything about Aunt Ursula screamed tacky and gaudy. Her fluffy, kitschy-top styled dress was adorned in an ugly pattern and hung to her body like paint on a wall, leaving little to the imagination. Her large yet daintily feminine feet bore overly-bright colored platform wedges with matching straps around her cankles. Her neck, ears, fingers and wrist were adorned with tacky, ugly jewelry that looked like it came out of the bargain ben- fake jewels, gold jewelry, pearls, the works. Her hair was style into what could only be described as a fusion of an extra-wide bouffant with an extra-towering beehive. To top it of, on her fat face, specifically her large, aunty nose, was a pair of horn-rimmed glasses.
To say the least, Jesse's Aunt looked like the very stereotypical, cartoonish image of what an aunt was suppose to look like.
"A-aunt Ursula?" Jesse stammered, still taking in the sight of this woman.
"JESSE!!" His Aunt Ursula squealed in delight. Moving faster than a woman her size possibly should, Aunt Ursula brought Jesse in for a huge bearhug, enveloping him in her soft body. While struggling to breath, his aunt brought her head down and began smooching his face with her comically plush lips, leaving some lipsticks staines here and there. Finally, she let go and giggled, snorting occasionally as she did.
"It's so wonderful to finally meet you in person, Jesse darling!" she gave her nephew a once-over. "My goodness, and so skinny! Almost invisible! Don't you ever eat??"
"Um..." Jesse hesitated, still trying to gather his bearings after the hug.
"Oh, well, don't you worry, Jesse. Old Auntie Ursula is going to fatten you up nice and big! Just look at this belly, they say you can never trust a skinny cook, but you sure can trust me!" She proudly gave her large, Buddha belly a slap, watching it jiggle like jello.
PHHHHRRRRRTTT!!
"What was that?" Jessie looked around, bewildered.
"Oopise daisy," Aunt Ursula giggled. "My apologies, Jesse. I'm sure you know all about my flatulence problem. I tend to need to let more air rip than a hurricane." To emphasize her point, Aunt Ursula leaned to the side, lifted her leg, and let loose a mighty FRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!! on an unsuspecting group of teenager passing by. It was powerful enough to knock a few of them over.
Jesse just looked bewildered, which his Aunt quickly caught sight off. Sensing his uneasiness, she brought him in close, placing her pudgy hands square on his shoulders to look him in the eye.
"I realize I'm a lot to take in, probably not what you were expecting. But I promise you I'm a very loving gal, just like my sister and your mother. We're all we have left of this family now, so we need to be there for each other."
Jesse looked at his aunt in the eyes, noticing the slight tears protruding. He gave it something thought and realized she was right. She had been kind enough to let him stay here. So what if she was a big unexpected. She was still family.
"Ok Aunt Ursula, you're right. We might as well make the best of this and get to know each other better."
"That's the spirit!" His aunt bellowed proudly. She gave his cheeks a good pinch and let out a small FRRRT!! "No come on, let's take you home so I can make you feel welcomed!"
The drive back to Aunt Ursula's home wasn't too bad, aside from her occasional dairy-air. The Home of Jesse's aunt was decently size. The outside was painted in a large assortment of tacky colors, and the lawn was decorated with cheesy furniture, plants and ornaments like lawn gnomes. The Inside was no different, however, as it was painted all sorts of ugly colors and had tacky, oddly-shaped furniture that looked like the 50s/60s threw up in her house. The walls were decorated with things like gaudy artwork, cheesy photos of cats and dogs, and motivational posters. Her house, inside and out, basically matched the style that Aunt Ursula adored herself in.
After showing Jesse his room, Aunt Ursula whipped up a quick feast for them. It was a hardy meal- meatloaf, goulash, thick stew, baked ziti, all with cheese and thick, creamy sauces and served with a rich red wine.
As the days went by, Jesse and Aunt settled into their little routine, and Jesse got to know about more about his Aunt's hobbies. She would invite her friends over for aunt games like Bridge or hold weekly book clubs, usually about some super cheesy Romance novel that was way too raunchy for Jesse's taste (especially when they discussed it). Aunt Ursula's friends were like her- large and gaudy in style. They enjoyed Harty meals too, and were often invited to participate in baking activities and tastings.
Occasionally, Aunt Ursula's friends would invite their daughters and nieces over. To Jesse's surprise, some of them looked like younger versions of his own aunt- not her size but still pretty big, all with a shared love for gaudy dresses and jewelry. The ones who actually dressed normally were actually there to get makeovers from his aunt to look more like them. It baffled Jesse how much these girls admired his Aunt, always walking away from the makeover happier than a cat in a creamery. Often they flirted with Jesse, which he didn't mind. Though, he could have sworn some of the girls already dressed like his Aunt had deeper voices than the other girls. Occasionally, His aunt's friends and their daughtrs/nieces would bring their pets over, usually small dogs that had very girlish names and were coddled more than a dog should be.
Overall, life with Aunt Ursula wasn't too bad for Jesse. He only disliked two things about living there- The first was that his aunt would constantly try to get him interested in the activities only she enjoyed. Cooking, Romance novels, Soap Operas, shopping, usual aunt stuff. She even tried to encourage his own flatulance. Speaking of which, that was the other thing Jesse couldn't exactly get use to. His aunt was way to proud of her farting, and it didn't help that her friends encouraged her problem.
One day, Jesse found himself alone for awhile after his Aunt decided to have her book club at one of her friends' house. Jesse had been alone for a few hours now and was quite bored. He decided to wander the house and look for something to do. Eventually, he came to his Aunt's bedroom, a room he had never been in before, oddly enough.
He went in and started rummaging through her stuff, noticing she had kept a few of her old, smaller dresses from her youth in her closest, and even a few hair extensions. That's when Jesse got a devilish idea. He took one of the gaudy outfits and extra wigs and put them on, using some pillows to fill up the rest of the empty space. He styled the wig into a makeshift bouffant-beehive and layered on some tacky jewelry, even adding an extra pair of horn-rimmed glasses. When he was done, he looked like a skinny, younger version of his Aunt Ursula.
And for the rest of the day, Jesse pretended to be just that. He would flaunt his body down the halls of the house, giggling and snort-laughing at his own antics. He stuffed himself with food, played with his aunt's nicknack's, and even let loose his own flatulance.
FRAAAPP!! "Oh dear, pardon me, Jesse! Seems I had too much cheese and wine! Ho Ho Ho Ho!"
"JESSE!!" The sound of his Aunt behind him caused Jesse to freeze with terror and humiliation. He had lost track of time and didn't hear her come home. He shamefully turned around to face Aunt Ursula and found that she was...
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