I raced over to the door and after looking through the peephole for a few seconds searching for the mysterious door knocker, decided to open the door. There was a package. Just sitting there. No address no name no nothing. Weird. Picking up the package to shake it around lent no more information to me than just staring at the box.
Finders keepers I guess.
I closed the door, locked it, and sat back down on the couch then tore into the box like a kid on Christmas. I don't get very many packages, this was a special event. Whatever it was, it was buried under a mountain of packing peanuts and then wrapped in at least 5 layers of bubble wrap. Must be expensive.
After the grueling task of unwrapping my new present, it dawned on me that I had no idea what I was holding in my hands. It looked like a remote, it tasted like a remote. So it must be a remote right? A remote for what though? The buttons seemed to just be utter nonsense, what did G and S even mean? And then just a bunch of body parts like breasts and butt, even penis and balls and for some reason just muscle? Like, what? It was a weird perverted remote is what it was.
I scoffed at the thing and then went to throw it into the trash. When I did a thin and barely visible green light shot off from the device and hit me. I felt very warm all over for a quick second, like when someone gives you a nice long hug. I let loose a breathy sigh then looked down in shock to see...
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