“You can’t be serious…” Maya shook her head. “Tiny Tina? Of all people?”
“While it’s true Tina can be… volatile, at the best of times, her home in the Tundra Express is far enough that our size-challenged friend won’t be able to interfere with any Crimson Raider business, and her defences will stop any Hyperion rescue squads from reclaiming him.”
“Also her name is Tiny Tina.” Gaige stated unhelpfully, a laugh followed by a quick snort escaping her. “Get it!?”
Maya rolled her eyes and snatched you from the table, placing you unceremoniously back in your test tube. “When she ends up killing him in one of her twisted games, don’t come crying to me.”
“When she kills me?!” You protested, “What do you mean ‘when’?”
No reply came. You were re-clipped to Maya’s belt and she set off once again in a vehicle to deliver you to Tundra Express. You knew appealing this decision was pointless, but you thought you’d try anyway.
“You don’t have to do this. You can let me go!” Maya continued to focus on the road. “You said it yourself - this Tina lady is going to kill me! I know you don’t want that, you wouldn’t have said anything otherwise! Just let me go, I can find some place to live, I’ll eat bugs and drink rain water, and I will never, ever, EVER go back to Hyperion, alright? Do we have a deal?”
Of course, it was no use. The car slowed down and Maya hopped out with you in tow. She walked slowly through a large opening in a rocky wall adorned with child-like sketchings a of a bunny. Further into the base, you could see what looked like a mechanic’s garage containing a bed and other decorative items to give the place a more bedroom-like feel. And standing in front of the room was a man, frozen with fear and a young girl skipping circles around him.
“So, you thought you could steal all my crap while I was sleeping, huh? Well jokes on you, buttwipe, because the Tin-ster don’t ever sleep!”
“Look, kid, I wasn’t tryna steal nothin’, I didn’t even know anybody lived here!” The man responded unconvincingly. “Just get this damn thing off me!”
You noticed a nest of tangled wires and some form of metal brace around his neck - a bomb collar.
“No-can-do, mister no-good-stealing-then-go-boom-dead-guy!” The man burst into tears as these words left the girl’s lips. “You’re in Tina’s domain now!”
Terror struck your heart as you learned this was Tiny Tina. She let out a wicked laugh as the man’s collar beeped faster and faster before detonating, turning him into meaty chunks raining down on Maya and your tube.
“Oh haiii!” Tina called over on seeing Maya, which she interpreted as permission to approach.
“What’s up, Tina.” Maya said, walking as slowly as she was before. “You haven’t got any land mines buried around here, have you?”
Tina waved dismissively at Maya’s question. “Naahh, you’re good! Come on over here girrrl!”
This did little to calm Maya, who continued to tread lightly. From inside the test tube, you felt yourself disassociating as you watched a drop of blood trickle down the glass, feeling the most helpless you’ve felt since the start of your ordeal. Here you were, being carried across what could be a minefield in order to be handed to a teenage girl with a twisted lust for bloodshed. Even Maya - who seems to have some sort of fond relationship with this girl - is uneasy around her, so what hope do you have?!
Finally, the girls were close enough to talk properly, and you let go of a breath you didn’t realise you were holding. Tina jumped to give Maya a hug, trapping you between both girls’ legs and threatening to smash your tube. Luckily, the glass held.
“Whatcha doin’ here, bestie?” Tina asked with her hands on her hips.
“I’m here to give you something. It’s something important, and it needs to be kept alive, alright?”
Tina didn’t reply, but bounced on each foot excitedly. Maya signed and revealed you to her. Her eyes widened as she saw the tiny man in the glass tube cowering beneath her almighty gaze.
“Ooooohh! What is it?”
“He’s a Hy- I mean, he’s a prisoner.”
“A prisoner?! Say no more! I shall take him to the cell to await execution by hanging! No, execution by stomping!”
“What?!” You couldn’t help but blurt out. You scratched at the glass walls in an attempt to climb out, but it was no use. Tina snatched you from Maya and looked around for a suitable ‘cell’ to keep you in. “Listen, kid, I’m not here to get executed so maybe we can start over? My name is- WOOAAHH!”
Your world turned upside down as Tina emptied you into a musty old shoe. You landed clumsily on the work insole and quickly scrambled to your feet. The hole in the ceiling of your newfound cell framed the faces of Maya and Tina staring back at you.
“Maya, please tell her I’m not here to be executed!” You pleaded to the blue haired giant.
“Unfortunately, he is telling the truth.” Maya’s resentful reply came. “We just need somewhere to keep him that’s far away from Sanctuary.”
“Thank you.” You said with a relived sigh, “Now can I please get out of here?!” As much as you hated the test tube, and the way it amplified the heat of Pandora’s sun, it was preferable to the humiliation of being trapped inside a giant shoe.
Maya’s lips twisted into a playful smirk. “Sorry, little guy, but you’re Tina’s prisoner and she’s decided this is where you live now. I’ll be back if I need you, but don’t wait up.” She said as she began to leave.
You called after her, begged her to change her mind and take her with you. You even offered to stay in one of her shoes. Anything was better than being left with this girl. But, of course, you were ignored. Soon, the sound of Maya’s vehicle faded as she drove away, leaving you alone with Tiny Tina.
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