"Where the bloody hell am I supposed to get a portal?l" Killian asked himself, rather loudly.
He'd enjoyed a nice big meal at Granny's Diner, and now Regina sprung it on him that he needed a portal. Those weren't exactly easy to come by. There were no magic beans left, there was no white rabbit in Storybrooke . . . But there was one thing Hook could think of.
"The Mad Hatter."
Jefferson's hat was a portal to other worlds, but getting Jefferson to hand it over wouldn't be easy. He'd never even met the man, but it was his only option.
KNOCK! KNOCK!
The doors to the mansion opened, and on the other side of the door stood a handsome man, with short brown hair and a lean but muscular body. He wore no hat, as Hook had expected him to.
"Hello, mate, I hear you have a portal, and I'm in need of . . ."
"No." Jefferson's response was short but ultimate.
"So that's it? You won't even hear me out?"
"No. This is my portal, my hat, and I'm not going to let some pirate just come along and take what's mine. Who do you work for? Regina?"
Hook grew impatient. He couldn't hurt Jefferson, but he could torture him. So he wrestled the handsome hatter to the ground and sat his round, plump pirate booty onto Jefferson's face.
"Ugh! What the hell are you doing?!" Jefferson protested. "Your ass is so big!"
"Don't forget strong." Hook pressed his ass against Jefferson's face harder to emphasize his point. "And smelly."
FAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTT!!!
Jefferson struggled to break the pirate's hold, but soon the pirtate's stench renderred him powerless.
"Bet you wish you had that magic hat now," Hook said, grinning as he launched his cannon fire.
FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTT!!!
"Now, mate, do you think you can give up that hat now?" Hook asked, realizing he was so strong that even his ass could break men.
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