Brian was walking down the street, on his way home from teaching at the local high school. He was lost in his own thoughts about lessons for the next day's classes, when he finally looked up to see an old woman about to get hit by a car while she was crossing the street. Brian quickly rushed into traffic and grabbed the woman throwing her out of the way. The car came screeching to a halt and bumped Brian, knocking him to the ground. The owner of the car scrambled out of the car to check on how Brian was. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," Brian said through gritted teeth as he held his elbow, and rose to his feet. "Why didn't you stop for her?" Brian asked pointing to the shaken up old woman.
"I was, kinda, playing 'Words With Friends' and didn't see her," the driver said sheepishly and hung his head low.
"Yeah, no, good excuse asshole," Brian said rolling his eyes. The driver continued to look down and then pretended to check his car for damage hoping to avoid Brian's gaze and tongue. Brian for the most part didn't have anything else to say and walked over to check on the old woman.
"Get off me you fools!" she roared to the crowd that gathered around her. She was swinging her cane at the people to get them to back off when she saw Brian walk over to her. "Oh my rescuer! How are you my dear?"
"I"m fine, luckily a I have a spare arm at home, so it doesn't matter if this one gets banged up," Brian said smiling.
"Oh a funny man! I like you! Here, help me up," she told him extending her hand. Brian grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet.
Now that he had a chance to look her over, Brian noticed she must be in her late seventies and was dressed as an eastern european gypsy. She seemed remarkably spry for someone her age. "Are you alright, ma am?"
"My, listen to the manners. You save me and you want to know if I'm okay? I really do like you! Come have a cup of coffee with me."
"I usually have hot chocolate," Brian smiled as he took her hand.
"Whatever you want!"
Brian and the woman, who avoided all questions about her name, sat at the local Star-bucks, she with her coffee, and he with his hot chocolate. She insisted in Brian telling her all about himself. After an hour she looked at him and smiled. "You know what I'm going to do for you, hero?"
"No, what are you going to do for me?"
"I am going to make your fondest wish come true."
Brian blushed red, and smiled. "You don't have to do that."
"No, I think I do."
"No, really. You don't," he said a little panicked. Brian's fondest wish was to become a gassy, horny, older woman. It was his greatest sexual desire, and he only really wanted it when he was aroused, but it still stood out as his greatest desire. The last thing his nice quiet life needed was the trouble that would cause. "Please don't."
The gypsy woman grabbed his hands and smiled. She really thought she would be helping him, not realizing the consequences it would have for him. Most people wanted to find true love, or get money. How was she to know what this would do to him? "Too late. It's done."
Brian pulled his hands back and felt a tingle spread from them to the rest of his body. And that's when he did it. It was the first of many, but it trumpeted his life from now on. Brian let out a loud, obnoxious, smelly fart.
PPPPHHHHHHRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTT!
The other patrons turned to him and fanned their noses. Even the gypsy woman seemed a little put off. "Really dear, what was your wish?"
BBBBRRRRRAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPTTTTTTTTTT!
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