“Well, I'd really like to learn more about history, Mother,” insisted Jake. “I know we can't afford a library, but perhaps you could tell me what you know about, oh, let's say George Washington?”
Jake's mother visibly stiffened her posture. She looked nervous and uncomfortable now, suddenly twitching and fidgeting anxiously.
“Why would you wish to know about him?” mother replied.
Clearly in this reality, thought Jake, George Washington was hardly the faithful, forthright, famous father of his country! Best to tread carefully. This was a different history indeed, doubtlessly with deep consequences of whatever distant fracture in time had created this reality.
“Oh, me and some friends were just talking about how rotten he was,” Jake said, trying to sound casual and off-handed. “And it just struck me that I never really learned exactly why George Washington was such a villain.”
Jake's mother relaxed and actually smiled a bit.
“I suppose it's been my patriotic duty to tell you these things,” she said. “And I've been a bit lax in that, haven't I? Sit down Jake, and I'll try to recall all I learned as a little girl about the American Rebellion.”
The American Rebellion, thought Jake. It's even got a new name. This was interesting stuff. He sat before his mother's feet and listened intently to her tale.
“It was back in the 1770s,” Jake's mother said. “Parliament had passed some new taxes, and here in the colonies people were very poor. They found it difficult to pay these taxes. Some foolish landowners led by Colonel George Washington started an armed rebellion against the crown. Washington and his despicable rebels actually achieved some success, waging a guerrilla war of tiny acts of terrorism committed here and there throughout mostly rural pockets of the colonies. The turning point came when General Charles Cornwallis bravely led His Majesty's Army against the rebels at an obscure little forgotten place called Valley Forge. The insurgents escaped justice however, in what's known as the Winter March. Fleeing from Cornwallis and his men, they trekked from Pennsylvania to Virginia, during a bitterly cold winter storm. Many of the traitors died during that blizzard.”
“The rest of the war,” mother continued. “Was a foregone conclusion for Cornwallis and His Majesty's Army. The crown bravely fought against the rebels, gradually whittling them down bit by bit in a series of successful battles. The final blow came in 1781 when we decimated the American army at Yorktown. Washington and his rebels surrendered to General Cornwallis. The leaders of the revolt were tried for treason, convicted, and hanged. Let's see, it would have been: Washington, Jefferson, Franklin, Hancock, and … oh, dear, that's all I can remember. Back in school, we had to memorize the names of all these infamous criminals.”
“After the traitors were hanged,” said Jake's mother. “There were a few more years of minor violent uprisings, but they were all easily extinguished by General Banastre Tarleton's highly effective Loyalist Legion. They were the new garrison assigned to permanently guard us here in colonies from dangerous terrorists. They hunted down and brought to justice all the other members of the terrorist group calling themselves The Minutemen. So successful were the Loyalist Legion that they began to see use around the globe in the years to come. That's why to this day, the Empire's special forces commandos are known as Tarleton's Legion. And no doubt, you've read the exciting stories in the papers about Tarleton's Legion seeing action around the Empire, fighting bravely against dirty insurgents everywhere from Ireland to South Africa, from India to southeast Asia.”
That was quite an interesting history lesson, thought Jake. But he had more questions.
“Mom, why did you get so nervous when I first asked about all this?” Jake said innocently. “I mean, it's all ancient history, right? Who cares about George Washington nowadays?”
“There are still misguided, foolish people out there who revere these traitors,” mom answered, her voice dropping to almost a whisper. “Don't forget the failed Lincoln-Lee rebellion of the 1850s. And nearly a hundred years after that, there was Colonel Eisenhower's coup attempt, back when the crown was distracted by the Second War of Europe.”
“So people are actually still trying to overthrow Britain and achieve independence here?” Jake asked.
“Shhh! Don't speak of such things,” insisted mom. “We are a loyalist household and always shall be. But yes you're right, there is a covert cabal – Freemasons, most of them – who speak highly of Washington and seek a return to the sad, dark days of his failed rebellion. They honor him as the secret Grand Master of American Independence. But Jake, they are not glorious freedom fighters. They are dangerous and deadly criminals. I don't want you getting caught up in all this nonsense. Our family has always been steadfast, dependable subjects of the crown. The cabal is dangerous, subversive, and downright treasonous. Murderers, thieves, and terrorists the lot of them! So stay faithful, true, and patriotic Jake, and you'll have nothing to fear.”
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