You can certainly cook. Unfortunately, you are only capable of cooking one thing: cafeteria mystery meat slathered in expired gravy with brussel spouts, asparagus, and REALLY melty cheese. Your first time serving it killed 8 people and hospitalized 12, and you are legally banned from ever entering a kitchen or cooking in any capacity on your own (even pouring a bowl of cereal requires a police officer present) for the rest of your life.
I wish that I was the fattest person in the world, completely famous and have no health complications.
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