"You better have your chores done if you are thinking about going out" says Stacy as Sara is tying her shoes. "And give Bryan back his Elmo doll that you hid last night. For the life of me, I don't know why you are always teasing him."
"Its so much fun, mom, you should try it sometime" smirks Sara. Stacy fires a stern look at her daughter. "Jeez, I was just playing with him. I'll get the crybaby's toy from my room. And yes, I did all my chores. My room is clean, the garbage is out, the dishes are in the dishwasher, and I watered YOUR garden. All that for a measly 5 bucks a week. They taught us in school that Lincoln freed the slaves. I guess you didn't get the memo."
"Watch your tongue, young lady" Stacy called out as Sara stomps off to her room. After slamming her door, Sara glances around her bedroom while trying to remember where she hid Elmo. She knows its not on her pink bed with her teddy bear collection. Its not on her bookshelf. That only hold the complete Harry Potter and Twilight series. She opens her dresser drawers but Elmo isn't hiding under her ripped jeans and thrift store blouses which highlight her lack of fashion sense.
Lack of fashion sense? That's rich coming from a middle-aged slob who hasn't bought new cloths for himself for over 3 years. Just what are you trying to do here, Jacknife? Be descriptive? If you are then you're failing miserably. Your readers won't know what I'm really like just by telling them what books I read or that I collect stuffed animals. Come on, you haven't even told them what I look like, just that I am a tomboy. I can do a better job than you. As a matter of fact, I'll prove it.
Readers, My name is Sara and I am 13 years old, 4'9", with long, curly brown hair blue-green eyes. My mom says that I'm too young to wear make-up, but I do have pink lip gloss on and my cheeks are covered in freckles. I am skinny but muscular, since I play a lot of sports. I have not developed much yet as a woman so all the pervs out there can stop reading now. My clothes may be from a thrift store, but I think that the light blue butterfly tank top and jewel studded blue jeans that I have on are really cute. I hope you are taking notes, Jack, because that's how you describe some one to your readers.
Finally, she looks in her closet and finds Elmo behind her stinky roller blades. She grabs the doll and stalks out of her room and down the staircase. "Here's you stupid dolly, twerp" snarls Sara as she tosses Elmo to her 3 years old brother Bryan, who is sitting on the couch, watching Sesame Street.
"EWWW, Elmo smells badder den ma poopy diapee" cries Bryan as Sara walks toward the front door, past her mother. Stacy is on the phone and holds up a finger to tell her daughter to wait a second.
"Here she is right now, I'll let her know." says Stacy "Sara that was..."
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