Emily pursed her lips and stared at the screen on her phone. A few minutes before she needed to meet Michael at Fat Italy, she knew what decision was right for her deep down.
"Hey, can I crash at your place tonight?"
Emily's fingers flew across the screen, typing the message before sending it to Sam. Emily took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and slid her phone into her pocket. Her fingers were tingling, and her head felt light.
Emily took another deep breath, her heart pounding in her chest. The breeze tickled her exposed skin, bringing the promise of a cold Autumn. The leaves rustled loudly on the trees, drowning out the sounds from the nearby playground.
Emily opened her eyes, glancing up at the sky through the tree above her- its branches arching over her like a caring mother sheltering a child. A moment passed before Emily took another deep breath, raised one shaky hand to her cheek, and nodded definitively. She spared one last glance back the way she'd come, her home barely visible near the end of the block. Emily wiped her cheek with her thumb and bowed her head as she turned to go. Glancing around, Emily was grateful that the neighborhood was mostly empty and that her neighbors hadn't seen her crying.
Her shoulders slumped, Emily stepped off the curb and into the street. Her feet seemed to move on their own as the beast licked its lips in anticipation. Its ragged frame stood triumphantly in her mind. Matted fur and sunken eyes bristling with pride. Emily's mother had given it the foothold it needed to return for the foreseeable future despite its weakness. And with the feast she was about to partake in, it would grow even more robust.
"It's just for a little bit," Emily mumbled as she walked down the street, away from home.
The beast's victory was bittersweet. Emotions swirled in her gut. The beast's success meant that Emily could indulge her hunger and drown her despair and anguish in overindulgence. She needed it. Her sorrow and anger were too great to ignore or suppress; there would be no coping without food. Lots and lots of food.
Emily let the thought cross her mind that she'd be able to resist once she arrived at the restaurant, but she knew that was a lie. Her mere presence at the restaurant was enough to deal a near-crippling blow to her resolve. And she was confident that, with a meal in hand, it would be even harder to resist the beast's siren's call.
Emily closed her eyes, replaying her conversation with her mother over in her head. Her mother had been so angry. Emily still didn't understand the reasoning behind her mother's actions. She replayed her conversation repeatedly in her head, trying to understand why her mother was so spiteful towards her.
Every time the memory played out, Emily's heart sunk lower, and her need for food, for comfort, grew more assertive. Today, Michael would finally see the real her- the Emily that indulged in food to ease her pain and hide from her emotions. Today, he'd see the Emily that had no restraint- that would eat and eat and eat until she literally could not consume another bite. Emily knew that was the real her, the part she hid from the world, the part that had birthed the beast.
At last, Emily reached the restaurant. She opened the door, allowing herself to be swept inside by the warmth emanating from the interior. The warm garlic and tomato sauce scent filled the space, bringing an almost euphoric feeling. Her heart raced in anticipation as she stepped inside, knowing she'd already surrendered to the beast. Now, Michael would see the real her. He'd see Emily the glutton. The girl who'd been the fattest in her class in elementary school. The girl who was too fat to play with the other kids at recess and desired only to eat and eat. The girl who'd inspired Sam to become the massive glutton she was today.
Emily glanced around. The room was large and spacious, filled with table-lined walls. Four significant displays dominated the center of the room, filled with pasta, pizza, and any other Italian dish Emily could think of. Michael was waving at her from a booth next to the dessert table, and Emily knew she would get what she wanted.
Emily took another deep breath, walking towards where Michael sat. He stood as she approached, waiting for her to sit down with a significant smile.
"How's it going?"
His voice was rich and full, a voice of comfort and security. Emily forced a smile, "Fine. Sorry, I'm a little late. I got stopped by my mom."
"Let me guess, she went on another rant about how I'm such a bad influence, and you're a horrible person if you don't do exactly what she wants?"
Emily chuckled, "Yeah, basically. I mean, what else is new."
Emily fidgeted on the bench, the beast urging her to stop delaying her feast. It needed food. She needed food. All these pleasantries were getting in the way of relief from the emotional turmoil boiling just below the surface. Emily needed food. Food. Food. Must eat food.
"Don't worry about your mom," Michael said. He reached out, covering her hand with his. "I'm proud of you food sticking up to her and coming anyway."
Emily nodded, "Yeah, me too."
"Anyway, how'd the food of your food go?"
Emily shook her head, "What?"
"I said, how'd the rest of your day food?"
Emily shook her head, the beast roaring in her mind, "Oh, uh… nothing special. Just spent the morning working on a commission I've been procrastinating for a few days, and..."
Emily trailed off as the beast continued its relentless assault.
"Food definitely a food artist than food am." Michael chuckled, smiling at her.
"Yeah, I... I guess I am, though... you're a lot better at skateboarding than I am." Emily was finding it hard to focus. The smells from the buffet were assaulting her, driving her to consume more- to stop procrastinating and just give in.
"Food food food food food food."
Emily stared at Michael, the beast continuing to howl in her mind, her willpower quickly fading, "What?"
"Food food food food food food," Michael said again, giving Emily a concerned look.
"What, I... I missed that," Emily mumbled, the beast's howls drowning out virtually everything else.
Michael frowned and leaned back, retracting his hand from her. "Food. I said, 'food food food food.'"
Emily furrowed her brow, trying to focus, "No, you... why are you repeating food if you already said food?"
Michael chuckled again, shaking his head. "Food food food food," he said, louder this time.
Emily groaned, her stomach growling, her mind spinning.
"Food food food food, food food," Michael said.
"Why do you keep saying food?" Emily mumbled though she found herself getting to her feet, hardly waiting for his reply. Food. Emily needed food. Eat food eat food.
"Food. Eat food. Eat food eat food," Michael said.
Emily didn't respond, her feet taking her towards the buffet tables, her eyes glued to her impending feast. The air was filled with the smells of her favorite foods, beckoning her to the buffet. Her feet started moving on their own, taking her towards the stacks of delicious food, the plates of scrumptious pasta, and other delicacies.
A plate lifted, a large helping of pizza sliding onto it. Emily reached out, scooping some pasta onto the plate. Michael stood beside her, smiling, "You must really be hungry today."
Emily just nodded, piling more food onto the plate as the beast spurred her to gluttony. The beast's voice grew ever louder, gaining urgency with every moment. Eat food eat food eat food.
The pile of food grew in front of her as she loaded her plate with more and more of the fattening entrees. Emily eyed it. It could feed her for a week. She didn't care. She placed the plate on the table, smiling as the beast's growls grew louder. It wanted food. She wanted food. She needed food! There's the real her. Emily grabbed a slice of pizza, taking a large bite. Her eyes widened. Perhaps it was better this way. Falling back into old habits seemed so much easier than she had thought.
It was like her body had been waiting for her to indulge, to gorge herself on something truly fattening. Her mouth flooded with the taste of the delicious dough and toppings, and she moaned. Her ears rang with the beast's blood-curdling howl.
Embrace the beast! Embrace the glutton! Eat food! Eat food!
This was the real her, the glutton willing to stuff herself until she could hardly move. This was the reason she'd been so fat before, and if she wasn't careful, she would end up like that again.
Emily took another bite, the beast's howls growing louder and louder with each bite she took, urging her to continue eating. Emily took another bite, her head spinning as the beast's howls echoed in her mind.
You're a glutton, a glutton! Embrace the glutton! Stop pretending to be something you're not! This body is a facade! That obese girl, unable even to reach her feet or get up from her desk without help, that's the real you! That was you! That's what you were always meant to be! The glutton! Embrace the glutton!
Emily grabbed another slice of pizza from her overloaded plate. Out of the corner of her eye, she could swear she saw Michael smiling at her voracious appetite, but she didn't care.
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