I looked at my diary for the day – boring, boring. I was in one of those jobs where tedium seems to be a way of life, where nothing exciting ever happens. I had a presentation to give on document control at eleven. Talk about boring!
I looked at my watch. I seemed to have been sitting at my desk for hours and it was exactly five past nine. I looked across the office which I shared with my devoted personal assistant Molly and stood up.
“Bathroom break,” I explained, though why I should have to explain myself to Molly I have no idea. At an indeterminate age somewhere between 25 and 40 Molly ran the office. She was short, dark and pretty in a bossy kind of way, if there is such a thing. Although I was nominally the manager, Molly regarded herself as the boss and try as I could there was nothing I could do to change this strange role reversal.
“Bathroom break,” the Boss would want to know what I was doing. I felt as if I should be putting my hand up and asking to be excused. I wandered down to the men’s restroom. It wasn’t that I really wanted to go; it was just something to do. I looked absentmindedly at the wall as I pulled my zipper back up. Then the awful thing happened. The thing that was to change that humdrum day into the most humiliating day of my life.
I felt a sudden sharp pain at the base of my gentleman’s appendage. Although I had waggled it about, as one does, I had forgotten to put it back in my trousers. It was still sticking out as I pulled up the zip and now the curly hairs at the base were inextricably caught in the zipper. I couldn’t release the zip and I couldn’t get my willy back in my trousers. Unless I did something very soon I was going to have to give a presentation to the girls of the admin support group with my willy out. Something which, though it my further my chances with the girls of the admin group, was unlikely to further my career in the company.
I grew more and more panicky, but try as I may there was no way my willy would go back. I was well and truly stuck. Then there was a knock on the door and a voice called through. Molly had become concerned by my absence. I hadn’t explained to her why I should be away so long.
“Are you all right, Mr Simpkins,” she enquired, her voice a mixture of concern and irritation.
“Um, a slight problem Molly.”
“Do you require some assistance?”
The chance to interfere was always too much of a temptation to her.
“Er… No,” I muttered.
“Well come back to the office then. We need to go over your presentation.”
“Yes Molly,” she had spoken. I had better do as I was told.
I made my way back to the office, hand over my willy as best I could. It was going to be difficult giving a presentation like that, but what choice did I have?
“Why are you holding your hand like that?” Molly looked at me quizzically.
“Er… Nothing,” I slid behind my desk and fiddled with the zipper with no further success.
“Will you fetch me the Monthly Updates File,” Molly’s request was an order not a question. The casual observer might have believed that Molly was the person in charge rather than me, and they’d have been right.
I couldn’t refuse. I had no way of refusing. Still holding my hand in front of my willy I sidled towards the filing cabinet. Molly gave me a funny look and then suddenly threw a book to me.
“Catch!” she said, and my hands went instinctively to catch the book. I looked down at my willy plainly flapping in the air, and up at Molly.
“It’s stuck in the zip,” I exclaimed lamely.
“Oops a daisy,” said Molly grinning from ear to ear, “enough to bring tears to the eyes!”
“I can’t it free,” I explained even more lamely.
“Well stand there,” said Molly, “and I’ll see what I can do.”
She came over and knelt in front of me, unfastening the front of my trousers and closely examining under my willy where the zip was totally caught up in the little curly hairs.
“Oh dear,” she said, looking closely, holding up my willy with her right hand.
It was unfortunate that Miss Pettigrew chose that time to walk in!
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