-At least, not in those shoes they're not."
"What do you mean?" you ask, feeling a little self-conscious about your old Keds, "I hike in these all the time."
In fact, you are wearing one of your favorite hiking outfits right now. You are wearing a faded t-shirt and loose cotton blouse, hip hugging jean shorts, and a pair of well-worn Keds sneakers with thick socks. It's not a particularly glamorous getup, but it's comfortable and has suited your needs exploring countless nature trails.
"How can you even walk in those things without falling over?" asked Chuckles with sincere wonder, "you need steady shoes with a nice wide, grounded sole like mine."
You look down at the clown's shoes and can't help but giggle. Even for a clown, his shoes seem overly large. They could clearly be effective snow shoes, or even tennis rackets, with their 16 inch wide toe areas that round back to a merely oversized boot tops, all of which are dressed in vinyl in every color of the rainbow.
Happy to demonstrate the function of normal shoes to your funny friend, you tell Chuckles, "I can walk just fine in these, thank you. Just watch."
Feeling silly and sassy, you proceed to do your best impression of a model's trip down the catwalk. Swinging your hips with your right hand miming that it dangles the most exquisite of little purses, you make to the end the stage, spin to face Chuckles, pose dramatically, take another confident step, and give a slight shriek as you feel your heels lift high into the air, one of them carrying a banana peel that you could have sworn wasn't there a second ago.
Your back hits the soft ground and you let out an "oouff!" as you are reintroduced to the effects of gravity. Your hair cascades down into your face and you leave it there a moment as you catch your breath. While blinded by your hair, you suddenly notice that you feet feel a little colder. You sweep your locks from your eyes and gaze upon your now bare feet. Your Keds and socks are nowhere to be seen, but Chuckles appears to be proffering a substitute in his own style.
"I told you so, didn't I? Those little things would never have gotten you all the way to Clownville, but these are just the ticket. Take them with my compliments."
The clown hands you what appear to be the estranged relatives of mary janes. With a wide vinyl strap just below the ankle, they boast an inch high heel and an eight inch wide toe. White polka dots an otherwise pink surface. Atop the toes are two cute little vinyl bows in red. In addition to the shoes, Chuckles gives a pair of red and white striped thigh high stockings. You hesitate to put them on, but then consider the prospect of exposing your bare feet to this strange terrain and shrug away your concerns and fashion fears and embrace the funny footwear.
The stockings somehow make your legs feel more exposed, but you know the shoes would feel wrong in bare feet. The shoes fit like a dream, offering a cushy heel and snug toe area (most of the toe has padding inside of it). You get to your feet and take a few experimental steps. Though you have to swing your legs out a bit at each step to keep from bumping your shoes into each other, you feel stable and at home in your new clown shoes.
"Thank you very much for the gifts," you say to Chuckles, or rather would have, if he hadn't disappeared while you were testing out your presents.
The land seems quiet except the soft sound of a calliope over the nearby hill.
You put your new shoes to work and you walk
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