As you hastily rush to your toast something peculiar happens. Like a thought that was out of your control, a voice rings in your head.
"Hey, chap, could you come over here and pick me up? The ground is cold and Wisconsin air isn't very pleasant. " A voice rings out. It is a male voice, British, and retains a cheery tone. You stop and look frantically around for the source. Where the Hell had that come from?
"Your not a very bright person are you?" the voice says almost laughing.
"Where are you?"
"Oh yes, I forgot to mention that. I'm that amazingly handsome ring that you left on the porch to be eaten by a bird. How could you leave me like that? After all that we've been through. Even of those five seconds don't matter to you, they do to me. Ah just kidding. Now PLEASE come pick me up, theres a snake over there and I have a phobia." It says.
"Okay..." you walk to the ring and slip it on, wondering if some sort of guy would jump out from the corner and crack up.
"Thank goodness. I was getting fed up with not being on a finger. I know it sounds perverted so don't question me. After all I'm British." It cheers.
"What the hell..." you say.
"Hey hey hey, no need for fowl language. My names Peter. Whats yours?"
"Drake..."
"Nice to meat you drake. Now, um, lets get to business."
"What the hell are you?"
"I was getting to that. So impatient. Now like I was saying lets get down to business. I, while I like to be called Peter, am a control ring. Developed by an English scientist in 1936 I have the power to bend people to your will. You can change there personality, appearance, and make them do what ever you want. Do not worry that they will be in pain, in fact quite the opposite. Any affect by the ring will register as very pleasurable and will not mentally harm them in any way. You'll be doing them a favor actually. When your done with me just simply put me in the mail and life will go back to normal. Thank goodness that's over. I HATE having to do the introductory session, so tedious."
"Okay..."
"Your not christian are you? Last person I had was and thought I was 'from the devil', which is so stupid. I am here simply because I want to make life better. Most people use me for sexual indulgence, which I really don't mind. If your that kind of guy don't let me stand in your way. Its the people who never use me are the ones that I hate. I mean really? Not going to use me then why do you keep me? Insurance? Mad. Pointless."
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